Broken (AU Calum Hood Fanfiction)

LII

Calum's POV:

"You guys," I hear my mum scold with a giggle as Jackie and I round the corner. I can't help but laugh as I take in the sight before me. Michael and Luke and Ashton all standing in a line in front of her, rain dripping periodically from their hair, shoes muddy and grass-packed, "You're gonna get sick." she sighs, setting a platter of something unidentifiable onto the kitchen bench.

"Sorry, Joy." Ashton says, removing his coat and shoes before setting them next to the back door. The others follow suit, bumping shoulders clumsily.

"No, don't be sorry. Just warm up." she says, pointing to the living room where the fireplace is getting its first use of the year.

They all nod in unison and take off to the overly-warm room. "Dinner'll be ready soon." she calls after them with a laugh.

I look over to Jackie. She's biting her lip to keep from smiling. Her nose is scrunching slightly and for a second I'm lost in her, but then I watch her amused expression fade away as her mum spots us.

"Here." my mum says, pushing a bowl of mashed potatoes into my hands, "Take this to the table, please."

I glance over to Jackie. I don't really want to leave her with her mum, not after seeing her pace the floor like she did, not after watching her try to shake the anxiety from her hands and swallow down the tears that threatened. But she nods once at me and I see something change in her - I see her grow stronger. And in that moment, I know she'll be fine, that she doesn't need me, she's strong enough on her own. I wonder if I had some role in strengthening her like this. Then I wonder if I'm the one who needs her, not the other way around. Maybe we feed off of each other's strength. I hope so.

I turn on my heels and take the dish to the table, keeping Jackie in my peripheral. I'm startled by my mum saying something to me softly, "Everything alright, m'love?" I watch her eyes move between me and Jackie.

"Mm-hmm," I mutter, equally quiet, "She's just anxious." I look over to Jackie again, she's shifting from foot to foot, fiddling with her hands nervously as she looks up at Kat who's speaking to her.

That's a good sign, right? At least they're talking. Or at least Kat's talking at Jackie. I mean, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all? I don't know. It's too soon to tell. But I already feel bad for indirectly causing Jackie to have a near panic attack on Thanksgiving because I thought it'd be a good idea to invite her mum.

I watch my mum scuttle back and forth between the kitchen and dining room for a few more minutes. She enlists my dad to help carve the turkey. Me and him exchange a look as he picks up the knife, a look that communicates what a long night we both know it'll be. It'll be long, but whether it'll be the pleasant kind of long or the miserable kind of long has yet to be determined.

Soon enough everyone's summoned to the table. Kat's already sat down beside my mum, the two of them chattering away. There are two empty seats next to Kat, then Ashton. I watch Jackie's eyes widen at the possibility of sitting right next to her mum. "I dont - I mean, can you - " she starts but I'm already pulling out the seat next to Ashton for her. Her eyes dart up to mine and she thanks me breathlessly. I nod and sit down between Jackie and her mother. Jackie leans over to say something to Ashton that I can't quite catch. Then I realize that this is probably best, Ashton and I serving as her bubble, that sitting through dinner and bumping elbows with her mum would probably push her over the edge right now.

I look over to my parents. They just look in love. When I was younger it grossed me out, the way they'd look at each other with adoration clouding their eyes, the way they'd hold hands in the supermarket, the way they'd constantly say 'I love you.'. Then my mum got sick and suddenly it didn't gross me out anymore. Suddenly it became the most important thing in the world, seeing them look at each other that way. At the same time it was the most painful thing to see. So painful that it made me pull away and disconnect from everything altogether. Until Jackie. Now I look at her like that and she looks at me the same way.