Broken (AU Calum Hood Fanfiction)

XXXIV

Jackie's POV:

I really want him right now.

Like, really.

But I know it's a bad idea. We've been too unstable. I can't imagine losing him now, let alone losing him after I slept with him.

I know things will change after we sleep together. They always do. And the problem is, I don't want things to change between us.

"Okay, look." I start with a sigh, "I'm really trying to resist you right now. And it's not going too well so far. And this wine's really strong. So I'm gonna lay down now." I say, holding my head that's starting to feel fuzzy.

He laughs and pulls the covers back for me to lay down. I still hear music thumping and the loud chatter of multiple conversations through the house. But Calum's laying next to me. One arm wrapped around my waist, his breath fanning the top of my head.

It never ceases to amaze me how comforted I feel in his presence. How addicted I am to him as a whole.

I drift off to a restless sleep filled with angry, fighting teenage boys, screeching car tires, and cold metal park benches.

At around 5:30 I wake up sweating and out of breath. My chest is rising and falling far too frequently. Sun's barely starting to peek through the curtains and I blink rapidly trying to wipe the nightmare from my mind.

Calum's draped across my body, his head on my stomach, one arm clutching my waist tightly. His lips are parted with sleep but his eyebrows are drawn together tensely.

I bring my hand to his forehead, pushing the hair from his face. I try to focus on calming my breathing. I try to focus on Calum. I try to focus on here and now.

I wonder what he's dreaming about right now. His expression suggests that it's something stressful. I wonder if he's dreaming about his mum being sick. I wonder if he's dreaming about being back in Australia. I wonder if he's dreaming about me. I wonder if he's dreaming about Michael's lips on my skin. The memory makes me cringe.

He clears his throat and shifts, straightening his body and putting his face right next to mine.

I lay there, thinking. Thinking about us being official. About what comes next. About what I want to come next. About what he wants to come next.

I must drift back off to sleep because I wake to Calum nuzzling into my neck telling me it's time to get up.

"No, it's not." I tell him sleepily.

"It's already 11:00." he giggles, peppering kisses on my face.

"You mean it's only 11:00." I shoot back, rubbing the sleep from my eyes groggily.

I stand from the bed and stumble over to the door. When I make it to the foot of the bed I see two superhero-costume-clad boys fast asleep on the carpet.

I break out giggling like an idiot and bring my hand to my mouth in an attempt to quiet myself.

"What?" Calum asks, standing up and walking over to me. When he sees them he runs his hand through his thick brown hair dramatically.

"I guess they had fun last night." he says, gesturing to the two sprawled out figures.

"Yeah." I giggle, nudging Luke's arm with my foot. He doesn't stir at all.

"I need to get my own place. We should get our own place." he says, looking over to me, "This stuff wouldn't happen then." he points to Michael and Luke.