definitely maybe - e.d

chapter nine: what are feelings?

raelynn robinson pov
1 week later
the overlook

it had been a week since the party and it's safe to say my head is well and truly fucked.

i'd been with ethan non stop, and we kept having these... moments, these moments where it felt like we were the only two people in the world and nothing else fucking mattered.

i know he felt it too, but we were both fighting off these feelings because we hadn't felt them before. that's my theory anyway.

i looked out over the overlook. the amber sunset painted a beautiful picture across the canvas that was the sky.

me and ethan sat with our legs dangling over the edge, my head nuzzled into his chest as his arm wrapped around my waist.

i threw the last bit of the spliff over the edge as i blew out the remaining smoke.

"the sky is so pretty" i said softly.

"i know, it makes you think"

"about what?" i asked.

"what's important in life" he said as he looked down at me, those hazel eyes pouring in to my own, making me weak at the knees.

i sat up and took off my jacket, it slightly pulled up my sleeve and i heard a gasp from ethan. i knew instantly what he saw.

he grabbed my wrist and examined the red cuts that scattered it, his mouth agape as i snatched my arm from his grip.

"rae, why?" he said in a soft tone.

"don't worry about it"

"of course i'm going to worry about it, rae"

"why do you even care? this is all just a game remember? you don't have to act like you give a shit about me" i snapped, my emotions getting the best of me as tears welled in my eyes. ethan instantly pulled me in for a hug, squeezing me as tight as he could.

i cried into his chest as he stroked my hair. he softly kissed my forehead as he whispered, "you're ok, im here"

i'd never seen this side of him, the soft, vulnerable side. i felt safe in his arms.

after sitting like this for a while i gathered myself and sat up, wiping away my tears as ethan looked at me with concern.

"don't ever say that i don't care about you" he said.

"you do?" i asked.

"more than anything"

warmth spread to my heart as i heard his words, a smile planting on my cheeks. i sighed as i knew i'd have to explain.

"my father left when i was young, i haven't seen him since. my mom never got over it, she started using drugs, abusing alcohol..." i hesitated, ethan nodded as he stroked my back for support.

"now she's a heroin addict, i have to take care of her. make sure she takes her medication, put her to bed and make sure she eats. i've never had a real mom. everyone i've ever had in my life has abandoned me, in just not enough" i spilled, surprising myself with how open i was being about my feelings.

"rae i'm so sorry, baby" he said as he listened intently.

"it's ok, i'm dealing with it"

"i don't think you're dealing with it properly, rae" he said, holding onto my arm that had the cuts on it.

he leant down and kissed them softly, then looked back up to me, "please promise you won't do this again. please rae" he begged.

"ethan i-"

"promise me you'll try" he cut me off.

i nodded slowly as i nuzzled back into his chest, smelling his addictive cologne that had easily become my favourite smell.

"do you wanna stay with me for a while?" he asked.

"but what about my mom?"

"rae, you're a teenager, this isn't your responsibility. maybe if you aren't there she will realise she has to do it for herself" he explained.

his words made sense, and his offer was beyond kind.

"ok" i agreed.

"really?!" he exclaimed, looking down to me with a smile on his face.

"yeah" i nodded with a smile.

i think we both knew this was beyond a game, but we were both too stubborn to admit that this was something special.

"thank you, ethan" i said genuinely.

"you're welcome, ass face" he laughed, making me giggle.