Finding Red

2

When Crystal got home she didn't know how to act. The calm energy she'd been left with in the park had faded, and all she wanted to do was change out of the wet blazer and dress she was in to warm pajamas. A layer of exhaustion hit her by the time she unlocked the door. One look towards her mother who was cooking dinner was enough to tell her that she was changing into pajamas.

Crystal ascended the stairs to her quaint room and sniffed at the cider smell. She glanced over at her window, which her mother must've left open to air out the room, and closed it. Somehow the open feeling was a little too much for her. She shut the blinds halfway and opened a drawer, pulling out the silk Growlithe pajamas that she had.

With a deep breath, she put them on, letting the cold wash over her skin as she stood there undressed for a second. She stared at herself in the mirror, critical and angry, feeling like a failure as she dressed herself in the alabaster pajamas. She sat on her bed, looking off at her Wii set, wondering perhaps if that would calm her nerves. She knew it wouldn't though. Unfortunately.

"Dinner's ready," Crystal's mom shouted from downstairs.

When Crystal walked down the stairs, she noticed her favorite meal and warm cup of the very cider she seemed to smell everywhere, steaming on the table. She sat down, and in routine the two of them said a silent prayer to Arceus while waiting to eat. They only tended to say prayer aloud when Crystal's father was home, almost like a special ritual to welcome him back from the road. Crystal picked up her cider and began to drink in silence. She would begin talking in a little while.

The warmth of the drink was a wave of bliss, melting the tension and stress that the day before had provided her. She loved the taste of Leppa berry in its richest, sweetest form, and somehow never got tired of it. Crystal looked back at her mom, who was shoveling food into her mouth as Crystal began to unwind.

"Do you want a hug?" her mom asked.

Crystal shook her head. "Thanks for making me my favorite."

"No problem," said her mom, tipping her head to the side with a smile.

This was typical of her mother. She was a subtle, but smart woman who could see through almost anyone in a second. Sometimes, it felt like she could see right through Crystal. Which means that she probably already knew about the malignant gravity of stress upon her mind.

Crystal took a bite out of the rice noodles on the table. "They asked me to go on a journey."

"I figured," said her mother, which made Crystal grimace, "after you read the letter I would've been surprised if they hadn't."

"I know," said Crystal with a sigh, knowing that her mother already knew what was going to happen.

Her mother raised her eyebrows. "What are you gonna do? We both know you couldn't dodge this issue forever."

Crystal avoided saying an answer by continuing to eat. She knew what her mind was telling her to do, but she didn't want to say it. Part of her felt like saying going on a journey would mean that it was a commitment, not just something that she could tell herself mentally she would try and then pull out of if she didn't like what she was doing. She couldn't commit. Could she?

"I," Crystal stated, voice trembling as she reached for the hot cider, "I'm going to go. I have to. There's no other choice."

Her mother looked off at the wall. "I'm proud of you. I know that this is a tough choice for you, but you're being brave about it."

"I should probably send out a Pidgey then so they'll know in the morning," she said, feeling the defeat.

Crystal's mother nodded. "Finish your food first."

She was right, as always. Crystal let the warm food and warm drink fill her stomach as she got ready for a moment she dreaded. The young woman couldn't help but feel like she was being cheated by the world into doing something she didn't want to do. Her mind swirled with fear and anger at things she didn't understand. She resented trainers and everything they stood for, how they would always reminisce about battling and have this inexplicable wanderlust that she despised. Was it so wrong to be content where she was?

As Crystal's mother washed the dishes, Crystal read through and signed the paperwork. Amanda was right. For someone who wanted to go on a journey, it really was a fabulous offer. Crystal would have full control over her meetings with Amanda, and would get paid a hefty salary for returning to Clarks and Kent. All she had to do was relinquish her intellectual property to them. She signed the paperwork, regret threatening to burn the pages in front of her as she forced herself to put them in an envelope.

Crystal's mother released her Pidgey, and Crystal tied the large envelope to its feet. "Alright bud, do you think you can fly this to Viridian City for us?"

The bird Pokémon cooed with a happy little snap of its beak as Crystal released it into the starry sky above New Bark Town. She looked out at the lights of Elm's lab, taking a deep breath as she thought of how she was going to bring it up to him tomorrow. That was when she spotted the box at her feet. She picked it up, curious, wondering if it was a package from the Professor as she brought it inside. Her mom was on the couch, watching a late night comedy show that the both of them enjoyed.

"You're going to bed sweetie?" Crystal's mom asked, as Crystal walked across the living room to the stairs.

Crystal nodded as her mother walked over to her. "I think I need to sleep."

"That's alright," said Crystal's mom with a kiss to her daughter's forehead. "We can start preparing tomorrow."

The young adult felt more like a kid as she clung to her mother. "I love you mom."

"I love you more," said her mom, rubbing her hands gently across Crystal's back.

And Crystal, releasing the deepest of breaths finished, "I love you the most."

Crystal's mother left her with a smile that said, 'you're going to do great', as she walked up the stairs with the box. Once again, Crystal stared at the artificial light in her room, feeling lost as she looked off into space, feeling as if her soul had an empty, dull sadness that pulled at her. She stood up, brushing her hands along the window shade, looking at the darkness of the world out there. A world that she would be immersed in, in only a few days.

She sat down on the hardwood floor, letting, slow, silent, and wet tears drip down her face as she sat there with the box. Crystal looked at it, willing herself to open it, but somehow she just wanted to heave out all of the sadness she felt inside.

Her chest burned as she held in the screams she felt inside, wanting to be hugged, to be comforted, and to be told that things were going to be alright. She cursed at the stale, artificial light in her room, wishing it was less yellow, wishing she wasn't alone. She pleaded with Arceus to not make her go, wishing she could have the warm taste of cider melt her problems away.

Crystal tore open the box, looking for some kind of material relief. Inside, the singular photograph of the lost, old champion, Red, sat taunting her from the bottom. She scoffed, throwing it into her purse without thinking, wondering if Professor Elm knew the same inevitability her mother did, and was sending her an ironic reminder.

There was a card at the bottom of the box, something stupid that she didn't even bother looking at, because she knew it just had to say 'congratulations on your journey' or something of the sort on the inside. She didn't care though. Crystal clenched it, wishing she could bring herself to tear it in two because of her anger. She couldn't though.

The anger dissipated into sadness once again as she stared at the lamp on the opposite side of her room, and then to the slanted walls of her ceiling. There was an inevitability that Crystal didn't know how to handle. Her exhaustion was battling her mind, telling her that it was time to sleep, that tomorrow would come despite how hard her thoughts tried to push the moon back into the sky.

The part of her that wanted to stay up until dawn began to lose, and so she forced herself into the soft sheets of bed. Staring at the dark ceiling, Crystal tried to hang on to the night in vain. She couldn't tell just how fast she lost herself to the swimming darkness of sleep.