Chapter 20: Is It Still Me That Makes You Sweat

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He revealed something to me I'm not sure I wanted to hear.  It scares me a little to think that he actually has feelings for me. I mean, isn't that what I wanted? It's too fucking complicated. I walk to my house, knowing that my mom probably doesn't want to see me but I have good news. I knock on the door just in case she's still pissed.

"Frank, what are you doing here?" she asks.

"I live here," I reply.

"I never said you could come back," she says.

"I want you to meet Mikey. I think it's time," I blurt.

"Oh, really? When?"

"I'll talk to him tomorrow and invite him for dinner, how does that sound?"

"You're not allowed in here until then." Fuck sakes. Fine. She closes the door and I walk down the driveway. I spot Gerard's car a block away and I walk towards it. He rolls down the window.

"Still not letting you back?" he asks.  I shake my head. 

"No."

"I figured. My mom was like this when I was your age. Get in."

We get back to his place and I'm becoming much too familiar with it. He walks into his apartment and sets his jacket on the couch. He heads towards the kitchen table and clears everything off of it.

"Here. Now." he instructs. I obey his orders and move towards the table. He lifts me onto the table and slides my pants off. He kisses up my legs and then removes my boxers, continuing to kiss higher and higher until he kisses my dick. He laughs and bites his lip. He lifts his hand in front of me and for the first time, I've noticed how strange his pinky is. It has a mind of it's own. It seems to be barely part of the rest of his hand. I'm caught in thought as presses his pinky inside of me and I'm surprised by just how deep it can go. He begins to pull it out and push it back in slightly before he adds another finger.

"G-gerard..." I moan.  I lay back on the table. He wraps his mouth around my dick and I moan again, arching my back. He's coordinated, if nothing else, he's got that going for him. He removes his fingers from inside me and I hear the zipper from his pants being undone.  He pushes into me and I groan as he enters me. There's a knock on the door. I swear to God if this isn't important, I will decapitate whoever is at the door.

"Gerard, are you home?" it's his fucking mother.

"I know you're here," she shrieks. She knocks harder on the door.

"Fuck," Gerard curses under his breath. He pulls out and pulls his pants back up. I follow his lead but hide in the bedroom instead of going to open the door.

" I'm so glad you're here," she says. She enters the room hugging Gerard.

"I need to talk to you," her voice softer than it usually is.

"Look, I'm done trying to fix this relationship we have. You are poison to me. If you cannot accept me and what I do and who I choose to love then you can fuck off, " he spits. She purses her lips. Gerard closes the door behind her. I stay hidden in his bedroom as they move about his apartment.

"That's no way to treat your mother," she retaliates.

"And how you treat me is okay? I don't know what kind of fucked up delusion you're living in but the way I treat you is still better than how you treat me. I know I'm not the perfect son, but you could at least try and pretend I'm good enough. I try hard enough for other people's approval I shouldn't need to gain the approval of my own mother."

"How dare you speak to me like that I'm your mother! Mikey would never speak to me like that!"

There's a moment of silence that I can only take as Gerard trying to calm down.

"Look, what do you really want?" Gerard sighs.

"Mikey is coming to Jersey tonight and I wanted to know if you would like to have dinner all together," she says calmly.

"As a family," she adds.

"Fine." Gerard replies.

"7 o'clock at the pizzeria downtown that we used to go to. Don't be late."

He ushers her out the door and closes it behind him. He sinks down, his back against the door. I come out from my hiding place and sit beside him.

"You're coming with me," he says after a long moment of silence.

"I can't," I state the obvious.

"I'll just tell her you were a witness to the last event and you will be a witness to this one."

"She thinks I'm sleeping with you. If I go with you now, it'll look suspicious," I explain. He pleads for me to go and eventually I give in, putting on a suit of his and getting ready to face the wolf in sheep's skin. I just hope to God this is worth it.

We arrive at the pizza place his mom told us to meet up at a couple of minutes early and neither her nor Mikey are here yet. The uncomfortable silence between me and Gerard is driving me crazy.

Eventually, a little later than anticipated, his mother and Mikey show up, dressed up just as much as we are.

"Frank, we meet again," Gerard's mom says. I reach out my hand and she gives it a firm shake. I give Mikey a nodding welcome equipped with a smile. We head into the restaurant. We take a seat at a booth near the window, each ordering different things. Other than ordering, the table is completely silent. When the food arrives, I'm insanely nervous for what Gerard's mom is going to say this time. We all hold hands as Gerard's mom prepares to say her prayers.

"I thank the Lord for my beautiful children and even Frank, for being a witness to our family. I pray we may become a proper loving family once again. I pray that Gerard may realize that I am proud of him, not particularly his decisions, but he isn't a serial killer at least. I pray that Mikey carries on in his path to greatness as I have always predicted he would. He truly is the perfect child, " she says. I feel Gerard's hand crushing mine as he suppresses his anger.

"Mom, I have something to tell you,"  Mikey starts. His eyes are trained on the floor and he's looking extremely nervous.

"What is it darling?" She asks.

"I'm gay, " Mikey says. Her mouth drops and she stands up.

"I will not accept this!" She shouts. She looks Gerard dead in the eye.

"You've corrupted your brother too, you're never going to be welcome back." She leaves the restaurant, leaving two brokenhearted sons behind.

"Look, fuck her. She doesn't deserve either of you," I say.

"Thanks, Frank, but she's still our mom and it still hurts." Mikey sighs.

"I know but at least she can't control either of you anymore. She doesn't have to be a part of your life if you don't want her to be. You can't pick your family but you can pick who you let in."

"Frank? Is that you?" A boy's voice calls.

"Frank, who is this?" Gerard asks me. I A lump forms in my throat as the tension grows. I turn to see the boy I kissed today.

"This is Br-"

"I'm hoping to get in Frank's pants, I mean, I'm Brendon," Brendon says, far too proud of himself for that.


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