Northern lights

21. Blood is thicker than water

JON - BEHIND THE WALL

Jon was losing his mind doing nothing. He had to watch that disgrace of a man mistreat his daughters in every possible way. He felt sick to his stomach, turning and churning at every touch he had witnessed. But he is just a steward, his position forcing him to ignore what is happening unless he's ordered otherwise. 

Jon's never been the type to do nothing when injustice slapped him in the face, wanting nothing more than to kill the bastard. So, he's sharpening his sword, making sure he's ready should the time come. The sound of footsteps crunching in the snow alert him he's no longer alone. He stops and looks up as Sam and Gilly approach him.

"What're you doing?" Jon looks around, making sure they're alone as he watches his best friend be the gullible, kind-hearted idiot he's always been.

"This is Gilly, she's one of Craster's daughters," Sam responds, his face void of fear he should have. He should know better.

"Hello, Gilly. What're you doing?" Jon turns to the girl, hoping she'll be more reasonable and tell him why they're risking Craster's wrath so blatantly.

"Sam said you could help." She said, innocent and clueless just as Sam is. Jon wanted to scream at the top of his lungs when he realized his only course of action is to turn her away. He had to...even if every cell in his body screamed not to.

"I'm sorry, Sam knows we're not supposed to -" Jon begins as Sam interjects.

"She's pregnant." Gilly encourages Sam to continue. "We have to take her with us, when we leave." He insists as if what he's asking for is as easy as breathing...even breathing isn't as easy as one would think.

"What?" Jon stands up, shocked by just how stupid his friend is being right now. Mormont was clear - shut their eyes to the horrors that happen here and leave when possible.

"I know it sounds a bit mad." Sam starts to excuse, but this time it's Jon who interrupts him.

"No it doesn't sound a bit mad, it's impossible." It's breaking his heart, but he has to convince Sam to let this issue go. It wasn't up to them. She wasn't their problem, he told himself.

"The Lord Commander," Jon tries and fails to interrupt Sam who seems very keen on doing what he can for this strange girl he had just met, "we are sworn to protect -"

"Sam we can't take her -" Jon says, just barely as his voice nearly breaks.

"Please sir, please. I can still run if I have to." Gilly pleads, hoping he'd take pity on her. Even she could see Jon is not a heart of stone.

"It's just not possible." Jon breaths out, biting the inside of his bottom lip.

"I'm going to have a baby, if it's a boy I..." She trailed off, clearly panicked by the thought, the very possibility pained her.

"If it's a boy what?" Jon asks sharply, knowing there's something there she's not telling them. Gilly looks around and then down, not answering, just as Jon assumed. 

"You want us to risk our lives for you, and you won't even tell us why." Gilly looks taken aback by his harshness, turning her back and runs off.

"Why did you do that?" Sam's tone is brash, his red, chubby cheeks turning darker if that's even possible.

"Do what, ask her a question?" Jon retorts.

"You were cruel." Sam snaps, narrowing his eyes at Jon.

"Cruel! Sam are you in such a hurry to lose a hand?" Jon whisper shouts, losing his patience. He wanted to help. He did! But he had common sense and it told him to stay away. So he did.

"I didn't touch her!" Sam hissed back, angry with his friend and the careless way he's behaving in.

"No you just want to steal her. What do you think Craster cuts off for that?" Jon warned him, reminding him his boundaries.

"I can't steal her, she's a person not a goat." Sam snarked, using his smart mouth wouldn't get him far if he got caught.

"We're heading deeper and deeper into wildling territory. We can't take a girl with us. Mormont wouldn't have it. And even if he would, what would we do with her? Who's gonna deliver her baby? You?" Jon tried to reason once more, at a loss for words. What else could he do? Sam is his friend and he wanted him safe...Gilly wasn't safe.

"I could try." Sam says meekly as Jon looks down, annoyed. "What? I've read about it. A bit. Are you going to tell me you wouldn't burn the house down if Rosalie was the one in question? As if you wouldn't kill every last man to help her?" Sam decided to play dirty, pulling Jon's sweetest daydream into the argument which had a completely opposite effect on him. It angered him.

"I'm sorry Sam, we can't help her."

Jon sits back down and returns to sharpening his sword. It's what he can do. He can be ready if a fight breaks out. He can save Sam if things get worse. Sam walks away and only when Sam is gone, Jon sighs deeply. He sighs because he's aware what Sam said is true. If it were Rosalie's well-being at stake...he'd do anything to protect her.

When the night falls, Jon is on watch. He couldn't sleep, not when his mind kept drifting south to his family...to his Northern Light. 

He sat by a fire, trying to warm himself up in this cold winter night. He hears a noise and looks behind himself, seeing Craster walking away from the camp with a baby. Jon gets up to follow Craster and investigate, walking into the woods as quietly as possible. 

He begins hearing strange noises, and hides when he sees Craster walking back, without the baby. When Craster is out of sight, he runs in the direction Craster came from. 

He sees a figure lean down and pick up the baby. The figure is human-like, but he's not human. It hasn't been human in a very long time. 

He is then startled by Craster, who puts his hand on Jon's shoulder, just before knocking him out. 

Rosalie - On the road

It's been long since I've last seen my sister. We've barely exchanged any letters since I left home, my heart aching for the moment I see her again. She's part of the home I'm yearning for. She's information I seek, the love I need and advice I'm desperate for. 

The ride is long, but we don't break, not even little. 

Catelyn Stark is most definitely a formidable woman, but she won't be able to convince Renly or Margaery to do anything. She's as stubborn as I am and if there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that grandmother told her exactly what to do. She won't stray from that.

I find myself thinking back to Robb and the vulnerability in his voice as he told me he belongs to me. The words were right...timing wasn't. What good does it do me if he's in bed with another? If our love is nothing more than a fantasy we've indulged in a few times.

Then another fear strikes me. Once is enough to bear a child, so what happens to me if I am carrying his child? I'm already a traitor to the Lannisters and Baratheons...even my own house as far as I know. What would become of me or my baby if I'm to remain unmarried and he or she a bastard? A Snow? Like Jon...

I don't think I could bear it. That would destroy me. 

Whether I am or am not, I can't return to Robb. I know I can't. Not when his fate is to marry someone who isn't me. Not when his war is no longer mine to fight. Not when I'm possibly pregnant with his child. It's too risky.

Margaery would take me in, I'm sure of it. Blood is thicker than water. She'd protect me no matter what. It's my only way to save myself of eternal misery...or at least a way to lessen the hurt. 

Robb will understand. 

Eventually.