Northern lights

89. Trust & Loyalty

Jaime Lannister

There have been few times in his life when Jaime Lannister has been so rattled he could hardly see straight. His mind screams as his heart struggled to keep a steady pace, running too fast for his body to catch up. He couldn't quite show his face around court as the servants would spread rumors about his dishevelled looks and the outside wasn't safe either as there are spies lurking in every corner more than happy to relay his struggles to their masters. 

He didn't wonder where his legs were taking him, focusing on his ragged breathing as he entered a room, closing the heavy wooden doors behind him. Leaning back on it, he closed his eyes as he allowed himself the vulnerability of his chin trembling. 

Jaime remembers when he first felt this way - the night he had plunged his sword through the heart of a king he promised to protect; the night he became the Kingslayer. The second time was when Rosalie requested Tommen dissolves their union. Today was the third time - being called a coward by a friend who chose to sharpen up her words in a manner that would strike a deadly wound.

Inhaling sharply, he holds his breath. In an instant his eyes are wide open as a familiar scent invades his nostrils. And sitting there on the windowsill, just as if the universe had divined it, Rosalie was staring at him in silence. 

The sunlight captured her essence, her ethereal beauty adding salt to the wounds he's still recovering from. Being with Rosalie brough immense happiness to his life, but the sorrow that followed wasn't quite worth it. 

Perhaps he would have apologized to her for all the hurt he brought into her life when his heart saw fit to claim her as the only one it fluttered around, but she hurt him just a badly as he hurt her. They caused each other to bleed, it isn't only him that deserves the blame.

"How did you find me?" Jaime breaks the silence, not moving from the door until he's certain it's truly her. Too often did his mind trick him to believe she came back to him for Jaime to simply accept this miracle.

Shrugging, she bites her lower lip. "I wasn't looking for you", her eyes trail to the left where a bed laid, still unmade. "I simply went looking for the only place that felt right during my time in this cesspool of a city." 

Furrowing his eyebrows, Jaime realized what she means. This bed, this room - it was their room. He had them leave every single thing untouched as a desperate man's attempt to keep onto a woman who was long gone.

Swallowing thickly, his forehead wrinkles. "And here I thought you wished to speak to me."

"I do", she smiles softly.  

For Jaime, that smile is easily the prettiest thing he's seen in a while. For once, it extends to her eyes, down to the core of her being and he knows that no matter how strong she appears to be, she too feels a loss over what they once had.

Could Olenna have been right all along? Did Rosalie love him?

With a few uncertain steps toward her, Jaime pauses. It's the closest he's been to her without anyone around to interrupt them. He can speak his heart now and hope she would too. Perhaps she'd have held back if another sat in the room, he sure would. 

Now, there was no need for pretenses. 

"Are you here to convince me to speak to Cersei?" Jaime begins, seeing her eyes narrow and the soft hint of a smile instantly turned into a scowl. 

Shaking her head, she chuckles bitterly. "Not even one conversation we have can go without her?" Sniffling, she purses her lips before standing. "I suppose the rumors I've heard might not be entirely baseless."