Vern tilts his head, a somewhat sad expression on his face as he stares at Juliet's grave, his heart still sad but accepting his sisters fate.
I come up behind him, placing my hand on his shoulder and he flinches before facing me. "You scared me." he says, his face drained. I look at the grave, a little tiny cross sticking out of a medium sized pot plant.
"My therapist said I needed to make this thing for me, not you." I tease, leaning my head on his shoulder. "But I'm happy to share." he looks at me, a glint in his eye.
It's been nearly a year since the failed suicide attempt. I was saved, once again given another chance at life. At first I wanted to refuse, but Vern forced me to see a therapist and I'm glad he did. I've been accepting the past I cannot change and looking to the future. The makeshift grave I made for Juliet Fenwick was me releasing her - releasing myself.
"You've changed so much." Vern says proudly, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me close. "My little sister is all grown up." he kisses my forehead before escaping my grasp. "Which reminds me..." he turns to the counter and holds out a cupcake with a single candle in the center. "Happy birthday, Emma. The big eighteen"
I playfully roll my eyes, a smile on my lips as I take the cupcake. "Corny, but I appreciate it."
I haven't seen or heard from Raphael since back then, he's never checked on me or called or even asked if I was okay. It took me a while, but I eventually got over him.
"You're going to be a college girl soon. I have to do this corny stuff as much as I can." he jokes. "but for real, I'll give you your real gift later on."
"I'm only starting college in spring and Manhattan college is like ten minutes away." I patronize him. "I'll literally still be living here."
"Yeah, but still." he says before his phone begins to ring. I shake my head with a chuckle and head towards the fire escape. I open the window and lean my head out, allowing the air to envelope me. I look down, not desiring to jump, but rather to stare at the bustling Manhattan streets.
When I think about my life, everything I expected to happen versus everything that did, I wouldn't have it any other way. All the hurt I experienced molded me into who I am today.
The breeze washes over my face - it's winter now; a week before Christmas. Vern already put up the tree and we decorated it together. We haven't put any gifts under the tree or hung any stockings because we just didn't have the time.
I pull my pink beanie lower onto my head and sigh, a cloud of cold smoke escaping my lips. When I turn back to look at Vern, I smile to myself at how carefree he looks. All the stress I put him through in the past seems to leave no trace on his features as he talks on the phone.
The front door opens and Gin and Violet waltz in as if they live here - which they kind of do.
"Happy birthday." They say in unison. Gin's engagement ring flashes as she holds her arms out to hug me. I head towards her and hug her before hugging Violet. We exchange greetings before Vern hangs up the phone.
"Hey Violet." he nods towards her before walking to Gin and kissing his fiance on the lips.
"Get a room, you guys." Violet jokes, stuffing her hands into her pockets. "Ready to go?" she grins. They all agreed to treat me with a visit to the coffee shop since it's my birthday. My therapist recommended that I stay away from coffee considering it's a natural depressant, but since it's my birthday we decided to cheat the system.
"Ready." I confirm before we all head to the door. Gin and Vern exit first, arms around each other, then Violet. As I turn to close the door I look back in the apartment and smile softly. This is where it all began, isn't it?
"Dude, you coming?" Violet calls and I shut the apartment door quickly before locking it.
"Right behind you." I catch up to her as we head to the elevator. Yep, life is good.
"Goodnight, Jules." Violet side hugs me as we walk the halls of our apartments. "hope you enjoyed your birthday." she kisses my forehead before disappearing into her apartment.
"I'm gonna..." Vern trails off, his eyes finding mine and sparkling suggestively. I playfully roll my eyes, knowing that he wants to spend the night with Gin.
"Have fun." I chuckle before heading towards our apartment. I hear Gin's apartment door close after Vern yells: "your gift is in the kitchen" and I pause, my hand on the handle of our door. I'm hesitant, and I don't know why.
After what feels like a few minutes but is actually a few seconds, I push open the door and my heart jumps to my throat. His back is facing me, but when he heard the door shut he turns, his green and amber eyes staring me down.
I'm confused and overwhelmed and...nothing. I feel empty, and as if my Rafael chapter is closed completely. It doesn't bother me that he's here now, that he's here at all. I literally do not care. He left me when I needed him most. He never checked in after my failed suicide attempt which proves that he never cared.
Then, he speaks. Three words which leaves me more confused than liberated.
"Jules," he starts saying, his breathing uneven. I stare at him unblinking, unfazed by him calling me her name because nothing he says even matters. "You're alive." Right?
(Apologies for this short chapter, I've just been really stuck and deleted so many drafts, but I finally found one I kinda like so I'm sticking to it.
Let's hope the writers block will be over soon and we can get this book to like chapter 30 without fail. Thank you guys!)
