Because You're Different ✔

80. Monster

"But then it'll be a disaster!"

Hayley nodded. "Yeah, that's likely. But don't forget it's June he's dealing with. She really doesn't like bullshit."

That was true too. Still, being forced to watch on the sidelines while Nathan screwed up the only chance to fix all this was nerve-wracking. I groaned, sitting down beside her, trying not to picture June leaving again, Hayley going back to college, and my brother back to being a boring-ass dude. Why couldn't they just give in already?

"Ouch!" Hayley'd elbowed me in the ribs, totally unnecessary. I rubbed my painful skin, glaring down at her. "What was that for? Do you always have to hurt me?"

She rolled her eyes. "That didn't hurt." Then, her face grew serious, and she eyed me like she was trying to determine if I was plastic or aluminum. "Why are you so suddenly okay with this, though? I mean, I remember when you were like, accusing Nathan of incest."

I stiffened. Yeah, not my best moment. Although from my point of view, my reaction had been entirely logical. "I'm not okay with this," I said, "but I'm also not not okay with this."

"What?"

"It's like... have you ever rediscovered a game you used to like? Like when you haven't played RuneScape in ages, and then you come across it again, and you're like: 'man, these were good times'?"

"Can't say I have, actually."

"Just work with me for a second. I don't know, make it an old dress you find in the back of your closet."

"Because girls only care about clothes?"

Really? Did she have to go there? She probably wouldn't believe me, but that hurt, more than I'd ever admit. "Don't be like that. It was just an example. I'm not my father. I know girls are actual people, you know."

There was a tiny smile, and she bumped her fist in my side, softly this time. "I know you're not your father. Sorry. Go on with your... whatever it was."

I couldn't help but stare at her. She apologized for something. To me. That was a first. Maybe she didn't think I was a useless dipshit after all? The possibility lifted me up, and suddenly, what I was trying to say didn't seem as dense anymore. "Yeah, right. So, a week or so ago, when I returned home from college, I realized something. Nathan, he had this huge smile on his face. It felt weird but in a good way — and then it was just like playing an old game. I hadn't realized it was missing until I saw it again. The smile, I mean. What kind of brother would I be if I'd keep him from the thing that makes him that happy?"

Hayley didn't say anything. For a tiny moment, I was scared she would laugh at me, that I didn't make any sense — I didn't even know if I was making any sense. Maybe that was why June was the writer, and I wasn't. I did feel things, though how could I put those to words?

Then, Hayley's lips started to tremble.

Oh no. Please, no.

They curled downwards, and she sniffed, once, twice.

Oh, shit shit shit. What did I do?

Now tears were leaving her eyes, one by one, and before I could even grasp what was happening, she dove into me, crashing her head into my chest, where she continued to cry, gasping for breaths in between.

Okay. That was unexpected. I placed my hand on her back, patting it awkwardly. "Err, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I heard her wheezy voice saying below me. "I just missed this. Missed you."

Oh.

My heart felt hot, and my skin did too, and there was a tingle in my toes. "Err, yeah. Missed — missed you too."