Because You're Different ✔

53. Trees

Nathan

I was hiding behind a giant Christmas tree, third glass of champagne in my hands, watching the seconds tick by on grandpa's watch, secured around my wrist. I couldn't decide between drinking more and potentially getting too wasted, or quitting now, knowing I wouldn't embarrass myself, but likely not surviving the evening.

Even the trees here seemed to be decorated by professional stylists. I wanted to hit myself, thinking of grandpa, grandma, Sam and me, completing this whole ritual every single Christmas, grandpa singing his favorite carols, then wrapping his arms around gran to dance with her, my brother and me staring up at their wide smiles, oblivious to the fact our parents weren't there. Thinking of June and how she'd give us directions to where this ornament and that ornament should go, the hooks too tiny for her to hold, Sam sticking out his tongue in concentration as he followed her every word.

When I'd given her the news a few weeks earlier, assuring her I would come back soon, that I'd do everything to change the situation, and she hadn't believed me anymore, the truth had hit me on the head with the force of an underground train speeding through the tunnels.

I'd been a fucking fool.

I might not have been a relationship expert; still, I should've been able to see this wasn't working. Not like this. This wasn't where I wanted to be, trying to avoid my colleagues and girlfriend's family, amongst all these liars and manipulators and people convinced they were better than anyone else. This wasn't me, and this wasn't how I'd planned to live my life.

I wondered if June had already known that from the start. Wouldn't surprise me. If she had, though, why hadn't she told me before I left? I would've stayed if she had, I was sure.

I wouldn't have had to disappoint her then.

Would have had to disappoint Charlotte instead. But I was going to do that no matter what.

This was the first time I wished I'd told her about Lena. At least, she would've known I wasn't this great guy she seemed to think I was, this perfect picture I was continually trying to live up to, even though I should've realized I would fall short someday.

"Boo!"

Oh shit, no... I turned around to find Edward smirking at me, a hostile sneer jerking at the corner of his mouth. He was wearing an extravagant suit, like he'd walked off the set of a movie situated in the nineteenth-century countryside, and he held a glass of what seemed to be bourbon in each hand. Great.

Saruman had found me. Seemed like the eye of Sauron could see right through Christmas trees.

"Well well," he said, "there you are! Your ravishing girlfriend is looking for you, mate. What are you doing back here? Is this some strange American tradition we Brits don't understand?"

I took a big gulp of the champagne. Yeah, I'd definitely rather get drunk. The lack of an answer didn't bother Edward; it never did. He liked hearing himself speak better anyway.

"Don't you think my cousin looks absolutely appetizing today?" he continued. "Wonder why you haven't taken her upstairs yet. I mean, if she'd been mine..." He licked his lips, his grin widening, and I didn't think I'd ever been this disgusted with someone before. He thrust forward, in the direction of the tree, then threw his head back laughing.

"You're an asshole, you know that?" I said, suddenly done with silently suffering through his talks.

Big mistake. It made him cackle. He pointed his finger up, taking a sip of each of his glasses and saying "ahh" afterward. He smacked his lips loudly, making sure to spit in my face a little. "I heard you were into those," he said, and he cleared his throat.