Because You're Different ✔

20. Jeans

June

I couldn't believe my own foolishness. I ran to the bathroom, locked myself in, and ugly-cried with my hands tightly over my mouth, making sure no one would hear me.

He had a girlfriend. Of course. I should've known. He hadn't been laughing with me because I made him happy — it was her. He hadn't been away so often because of losing the hearing and preparing for the appeal — it was her.

Charlotte. Beautiful girl with a British accent, no doubt really kind and intelligent and everything I wished for him. Still, there had been some part of me that had hoped that maybe, maybe in some time, he could, maybe, see me the way he was seeing her.

Fuck. I breathed in deeply, erasing the tear tracks on my cheeks with a piece of toilet paper. I was a total wreck. Young girl with red-rimmed eyes, in an old, plain T-shirt, pants too big for her, lips shaking. What had I gotten myself into? Me and my irrational fantasies... Wake up, June!

There was a lump in my throat, so I drank some water and splashed some in my eyes. Better.

I couldn't be upset about this. I had no right. We were only friends, nothing more — he could do whatever the hell he wanted.

Except sleep with my cousin.

Or bring home gorgeous girls without even warning me.

I'd never had more confusing feelings about a person than I had about Charlotte. She was kind, and she had a funny laugh, and she was easily shocked by the things you said. She was interested in me, even though she didn't seem to know how to go about talking to me, like I was some sort of alien from another world. Nonetheless, she did her best.

But she kept Nathan from me. I didn't know what was worse: knowing they were having sex in her dorm or entering the kitchen in the morning to catch her kissing him.

I was spending more and more time in Mr. Redstone's office, not to work on my book, but to bury myself in my homework. Focusing on algebra and English and all was the only thing that could keep my mind off the fact that she existed, and that he was in love with her.

One day, a few weeks after she had come into my life, I was sitting in the kitchen, staring at nothing in particular, when she took a place next to me. She was nervous: her eyes didn't know on which part of me to concentrate, and she was playing with the rings on her fingers. "So, err, June..." she started to say, in that too charming accent of hers. "I was wondering... I'd really love to get to know you a bit better... So, I thought, maybe you'd like to go shopping with me." She bit her lip, then quickly added: "My treat, of course."

I looked at her, because I knew it'd make her uneasy. She definitely had never known what life was without money, and I wondered if grandma Redstone would've liked her as much as she would've liked me. Obviously not. "Yeah, seems fun. I don't think we like the same brands, though."

She smiled in relief, creating those annoyingly cute dimples in her cheeks. "That's alright. You can pick the shops."

Later, when we sat in her car, sharing an awkward silence, I realized something else. She probably pitied the way I looked, my old shirts and pants, some way too big. I couldn't blame her for it, because I'd been increasingly ashamed of my appearance myself. Most of my jeans sagged, some of them showed way too much of my ankles; there were holes in some of my shirts, my bras were too small, and I was still wearing the same underwear as two years ago. Was it weird to be taking her money? Be in debt with her? Well, she had enough of it, she wouldn't miss it. If I had to endure Nathan having a girlfriend, I might as well make use of it.