Because You're Different ✔

29. Silver lining

Nathan

Living on campus was exhausting. I regretted making the decision to move there, particularly now that the house was officially mine, but I had to admit it was the practical thing to do. With the amount of studying required and my internship at Harrell & Moss, I barely had the time to take Charlotte out, let alone drive home every evening. That didn't mean I didn't miss Sam and June, miss hearing about their adventures, miss cooking with her, miss mocking my brother's tragic kissing skills. If he'd only waited until he found a girl he truly liked, he might've realized the kissing was much better if you did it slowly and with feeling — I wasn't going to tell him that, though. He'd find out for himself, someday. Truthfully, I'd never been a big fan of kissing, especially not with strangers. But I couldn't do and say all these things anyway, because I was always away, and on the weekends, Charlotte usually came with me.

So, when Moss dismissed me early one Friday in November, there was only one thing on my mind. Charlotte would be busy studying for her exams this weekend, I was practically free until Monday... I was going home, and I was going to spend time behind the stove with June, and joke with her about Sam sitting there pasted together with Jennifer, and no one would be able to stop me.

"Hey, Nathan, a few of us are going to get some drinks at the bar down the street, you wanna come?"

I probably should. Make connections, listen to all of my colleagues' shitty golf jokes, complain about girlfriends and wives — it'd be the smart thing to do. "Sorry," I said instead. "I've got plans tonight. Can't." At least, this was a decision I felt no remorse over whatsoever.

During the drive home, I put on one of June's new playlists, which surprised me with a few well-chosen little-known gems of Pearl Jam, mixed up with some Nirvana, and containing several promising songs I'd never heard before, by some Latin band called Soda Stereo. She had taste, that girl, I had to admit it. When the Offspring's Self-Esteem suddenly blasted out of the speakers, Lena's all-time favorite, I went to skip it, when I realized it didn't hurt anymore. Relieved, I turned the volume up, deciding to take a little detour. This is for you, Lena.

The eagles were as beautiful as ever, although more botched up tags were sprayed over the birds each time I came to visit. I knew June and Hayley were spending their breaks here; pictures of them together with the mural in the background were displayed all over their Instagrams. I didn't have an account myself, but Charlotte was stalking June and Sam for me, and frequently sent me images of them so I'd know what they were up to. My brother might not be fourteen anymore, there was plenty of trouble left for him to get into. That was one of the reasons I'd planted a large box of condoms in his room and ordered him to use them. If there was one thing I didn't want to deal with, it was him getting some teenage girl pregnant.

When the house came in view, calmness washed over me. Home. Finally. And it was all mine. No one who could take it from me. Thank you, grandma. She always knew what I needed. Back then, when she had just passed away and the will was read to me, I couldn't understand why she'd thought I would've wanted that house. Now, it only seemed natural.

She and grandpa had always been proud of it. I had all these plans to turn it back into what it had been, with pictures of them and me and June and Sam and Charlotte — transform it back into what grandma had meant it to be. I'd already taken down that portrait of our parents, me and Sam, unceremoniously dumping it in the trash. It wasn't like they'd care.

The minute I opened the door, I was sure June was home alone. I grinned, almost unable to keep myself from barging in. She'd put on music, on the highest volume possible without damaging your ears, and I smelled tomato and onion and something else, probably some vegetarian substitute for meat — Hayley had convinced her to go vegetarian, supposedly to try and ease the climate change a bit, while we suspected the girl was just a picky eater. It didn't matter though; when it was June cooking, you didn't even taste the difference.