The LJ/You Chat Threads

"Goodbye"

Shaking off the interruption from lilly I continue "Hey guys, editing me here, just want to put a little disclaimer here, that for those of you who aren't new to my channel, you can probably tell just by the title, this isn't one of my normal videos, and for those of you who are new, well you're probably here BECAUSE of the title, either way, what you're about to see, is uncut footage from the video I made back in 2017 when I announced I was taking a break, it's basically me going off into my own little world, kinda show a side of me that I try not to show, I was thinking about deleting it, and I certainly wasn't planning on showing it, but as I mentioned in the intro, this is a new year, new me, so I'm gonna show you guys, also I know I look a mess right now, trust me, I'm usually more put together -she isn't"

"-I am! Don't mind her guys, oh wait yeah, I forgot to say lilly's here" pointing to where she is behind me

She smiles and gives the camera a wave "SUBSCRIBE!!! Don't forget to show my home girl some love and hit that  thumbs up button"

Shaking my head, I laugh off her antics, and return to the video, realising I've been filming for almost 2 minutes, I quickly finish off "sorry about that guys, basically what I'm trying to say is, this footage wasn't what I had ever planned on letting anyone see, but nevertheless I feel it's something I have, no, need to do, so anyway BACK to the video"

*Flashback to the morning of 09/04/17*

"cause I'm not gonna lie to you guys I'm heartbroken, I'm hurting-" My voice quickly begins to break. What am I doing? I'm not ready for this. Why did I think I was. My mind has gone blank, I look around the room to try and get an idea of what it was that I was supposed to be doing, but all I can think about is her, it's like I can feel her here, in a way I suppose she is "She's everywhere! You know I can honestly say, you've been on my mind, since I woke up today" I take a quick glance at the frame on my desk "I look at your photograph all the time" at happier times

"These memories come back to life" I smile involuntarily, as the memories flood my head "and I don't mind, even though it hurts like hell"

"I remember when we kissed" You were always stealing a kiss every chance you could "I still feel it on my lips" I can't help but bite my lip as I think about how intoxicating it felt when she did

I suddenly break out into a bitter smile when a memory of us on our second date pops into my head "The time that you danced with me, with no music playing, we were so caught up in our own little world, we didn't even notice the tide coming in, or the elderly couple watching us from the pier smiling" that'll be us one day you said, funny how things don't always pan out

"I remember the simple things. I remember till I cry" Which just so happens to be all time, and right now  great! "But the one thing I wish I'd forget, the memory I WANNA forget, is goodbye." The memory of that day still haunts me

"When I woke up this morning, I turned my radio on, as if twisted fate would have it, they went and played our song, and through my tears I sang along" Ed Sheeran's Perfect, we used to sing it to each other all the time

Out of sheer habit and instinct "I picked up the phone" only to remember "and then put it down, 'cause I know I'm wasting my time, and I don't mind" Cause as crazy as it sounds for that small moment I feel a familiar comfort

As I look around the room again I see the camera, Crap! I forgot I'm filming a video. I quickly grab the camera and go through the footage to see where I was before I went off track, got it!

"- so yeah... I promise when I feel it's time for me to come back, you'll know, because I will be back, this isn't forever-."

*Flash forward to the next day*

I can't help but cringe at how nuts I must sound, as I watch the video I uploaded yesterday "I remember when we kissed, I still feel it on my lips....The time that you danced with me, with no music playing....I remember the simple things, I remember till I cry...But the one thing I wish I'd forget, the memory I wanna forget-"

Suddenly my cell phone's blowing up, with your ring tone, I hesitate but answer it anyway "Lauren?"

"Y/n please don't hang up" you sound so alone, and I'm surprised to hear you say

"You remember when we kissed? I think about it all the time, you said you still feel it on your lips, so do I, the time that you danced with me, with no music playing, is one of my favourite memories of us. I'm happy you remember the simple things-." We talk till we cry, you said that your biggest regret, the one thing you wish I'd forget, is saying goodbye

I no longer remember saying goodbye, Oh, Goodbye to Goodbye...