The LJ/You Chat Threads

"Goodbye"

**Just a quick disclaimer, to say that the YouTube image is photoshopped, I don't actually have a YouTube Channel lol anyways to the story 😋 **

"Dawg ain't you gonna say anything? You've been staring at that camera for like an hour"

"It's been like 10 minutes ok? chill" I try to fix my hair again in the view finder, for like the umpteenth time "whose stupid idea was this anyway?" I give up! Guess I'm just gonna stay looking like beetlejuice and Helena Bonham Carters love child, awesome

"Ok first of all, yo' ass is the one that needs to chill a'ight? And second-" Lilly spins the seat around so I'm facing her "-girl I get that you're head is buzzing right now, but remember why you're doing this, you've done this a thousand times, it's basically a video diary, besides, it ain't like you have to upload it, ok?" She's got a point

"Yeah I guess you're right"

"Psshh obviously" she says with her mouth full, she holds out a packet of something towards me "Skittle?"

I can't help but smile and just shake my head, my best friend ladies and gentlemen "I'm good" she just shrugs and takes another hand full

"More for me"

Spinning the chair back around I face the camera once more "It's just a video diary" I quietly say to myself, taking a deep breath "Hey guys *Crunching*-" looking at the view finder I see lilly, is she eating pringles? "- You know, you don't have to stay, I'm fine"

"Nah man it's cool, I gotchu" she says taking another bite, oblivious

I reply with a quick "Thanks" as I try to look semi normal for the video, as annoying as she can be, I really am thankful she's here

*Flashback to the morning of 9/04/17*

Trying my best to smile, I look in to the lens, and begin "Hey guys, I know it's been a hot minute since my last video" Before it all changed... "and as a few of you may know, a LOT has happened the past couple of months, some of it sadly in the public eye, and I know you all want to know what's happening or WHAT happened, but you won't get that here, I'm not here for that, I'm not READY for that, which is why I am here, I want to let you guys know that, I'm taking a break from YouTube, it's what I feel I need, cause I'm not gonna lie to you guys I'm heartbroken, I'm hurting-" as my voice breaks, I try to swallow the lump that's forming in my throat "- so yeah... I promise when I feel it's time for me to come back, you'll know, because I will be back, this isn't forever, but for right now, I need a break" To be honest I wasn't even sure I could make this video, I feel like I don't know where I'm supposed to be, and for the first time in my life, I woke up feeling alone

I feel like I'm lost...

*Flash forward to the present morning*

Putting on a smile, I do what I haven't done in awhile, I look in to the lens of my camera, and begin the start of a new chapter "Hey guys, no your eyes does not deceive you, I am in fact BACK! I'm back, it's a new year, new me, happy new year by the way, now I know it's been awhile since my last video, almost 2 years to the day, to be exact" 2 years tomorrow... "so as some of you may know, I took a break from YouTube. Which ended up turning into a long WELL needed hiatus, not just from YouTube, but from everything actually, media, my music, my acting, it was definitely what I needed, but it was time for me to come back, I feel now, that I'm ready to be back" It's true, as nervous as I am to make this video, I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be, for the first time in ages, I woke up not feeling like was alone

So why do I suddenly feel like things are about to change...

*Flash forward to Later that evening*