She Who Was My Love (girlxgirl) (Book 2)

Preparations

I walk over to Tara and she's real distant. She steps back when I try to touch her.

"You can't? Can't what Tara?"

"I c-can't go to this dinner."

What?

"What do you mean honey?"

"I can't pre-pretend that everything's ok-okay when it's, not."

"Of course it's not Tara, but this might make things a little better."

"I don't... I don't know that I can. I don't know that I can, look at Buffy without seeing what I did to her. The pain I've caused her."

She caused her?

"Tara what's happening to Buffy isn't your fault."

"Yes, it is."

"No it's not Tara I... it's my fault. I'm the one who brought her back. I'm the one who kept insisting that it was the right thing to do even though I think I always knew deep down that it might not be. You can't blame yourself for my mistake. If you need to blame someone for what's happening now, blame me."

She looks at me with painful fear in her eyes and it sends a chill through me.

She does blame me. She blames me for what's happening. Well why shouldn't she? It's my fault.

"Tara..."

"I... I can't... I can't go to t-this dinner and act-t like everything is okay."

She's not talking about Buffy anymore.

"I just, I can't."

She turns away and walks out.

"Tara please I... don't..."

She doesn't stop.

Oh god I, what have I done? Not only have I made Buffy and Faith's life a living hell but, I just might've destroyed my own relationship in the process. What have I done?

Buffy's POV

Why are we doing this? We're having dinner. Like I don't know what that's about. We're having a big important dinner with all my friends and family so we can talk. So we can talk, probably about the 'horrible' things I said to Faith and why I said them. God, do I not need this.

I don't wanna talk about my feelings. I don't care that I hurt Faith's feelings either. She needs to deal with what she did to me, like I'm trying to. I don't wanna have a nice civilized dinner on the pretense that everything's fine just so they can ambush me with a bunch of question I don't care about or even wanna answer. It happened... I was dead and now I'm alive. I'll just have to learn to live with it, no matter how much I don't want to.

Mom comes in, rushing around to get ready for the dinner party.

"You know it wouldn't kill you to help out."

I roll my eyes at her and stand up from the breakfast bar chair.

"It might be better if it did."

She puts a pile of plates down angrily.

"I didn't mean it like that."

I pick up the plates and head to the dining room to help set the table.

"I know you didn't. That doesn't make my feelings on the subject any less true."

Mom follows me in with a bunch of cutlery.