Chapter 17: "Aren't you scared?"

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I've never really considered myself a selfish person. I always did what others asked without question and never did anything unless it was required. Being a Warrior wasn't just something anyone could achieve, after all!

But there was always something in the back of my mind. Something telling me that the fact I didn't consider myself as someone selfish might just prove that I was.

I mean, for the first time since I'd become a Warrior, I... didn't want to continue with a mission.

We were supposed to go back home if anything went wrong! Yet, here we were. Staring up with wide eyes at the walls that kept the devils inside and safe from the rest of the world.

Did it make me a selfish person to want to go back home? Did it make me selfish to want to turn around and leave? But in doing so, our mission would result in failure. No one wanted to believe that they were a failure. I didn't want to believe that I was a failure!

Reiner's never really been a selfish person but the moment he decided to continue with the mission rather than turn back like we were supposed to... like the rest of us wanted to!

...I resented him.

I hated myself for feeling the way I did, especially since now wasn't the time to be dwelling on such things. We were here and we were going to continue with the mission.

It's not like we had much of a choice at this point.

My heart nearly stopped as a hand grasped my shoulder. It was (Y/n).

Her hand was hot against my shoulder; feeling as though it were burning me through my clothing. I guess her hands were a lot warmer than they used to be. At least as far as I could remember.

Imprints on her flesh from being inside her titan lingered on her face. I never really liked how I looked when I came out of my titan form, but I guess it couldn't be helped. (Y/n) though. She still looked beautiful regardless.

A frown pulled at my lips when I noticed tears running down her cheeks.

There was nothing I wanted to do more in that moment then wipe them away, but she beat me to it. She looked embarrassed, almost startled, when she realised she was crying.

I immediately missed the feeling of her hand on my shoulder.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

I didn't know. Was I ready? Ready to break down the walls and change the lives of thousands of people forever? I thought I was ready during the boat ride here, but after arriving at the walls... after losing Marcel... I wasn't quite sure.

(Y/n) picked up on my hesitation.

(Y/n) was someone who was always watching. Always observing those around her. So much so that she could tell when someone was having a bad day before they even spoke a word.

It was one of the many things that I loved about her.

There were so many things I wanted to say to her; so many things that I could've said to her! And yet the only words that left my mouth were "I think so."

It wasn't 'I'm ready' or 'of course I am,' it was 'I think so.'

(Y/n) smiled. A smile that made the tight feeling in my chest ease up.

"Aren't you scared?"

"Of course not," I replied, surprised by how easily the words formed yet startled by how forced it felt to speak them, "there's nothing to be scared of."

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