Clary: A fresh start

Chapter 19

2 months later
My mom made an appointment with the family doctor to come over and do an ultrasound or something. Luke is extremely upset because I'm delaying the wedding or whatever but my mom an Jon keep telling him that i'm more important than a dumb wedding. He hasn't tried to talk to me in weeks, not that I mind I can't stand the bastard. My mom thinks I'm going to start showing soon and I can't wrap my head around it, it honestly makes me want to cry. What would've happened if I had kept the kid that i was carrying when i was 13, how different would my life have been.
"Clary, the doctor is coming soon, make sure Jace is here." My mom really softened up to me the past 4 months and it feels nice to actually have someone care for you.
I pulled out my phone and called Jace up.
Jace: Hey babe, what's up?
Clary: My mom is having a doctor come to check the babies heartbeat and possibly do an ultrasound, I want you here.
Jace: Be there in 10. I love you.
Clary: Love you too!
I hung up and went to the kitchen to grab something to eat. I caught my mom looking at a baby catalog.
"Hey Clary, you want me to make you something?"
I shook my head and walked over to our pantry and grabbed out a box of cereal and a bowl, "I'm just gonna have cereal." She smiled at me and grabbed the milk out of the fridge for me.
"Thanks." My mom hasn't been awkward about this at all. I guess it's because she understands the stress i'm under because she had Jon at a young age. My father and her got married right after she graduated high school and my mom was carrying Jon when they got back from their honeymoon. Sounds very Twighlity, which it is but without the killer baby and the jealous werewolf.
20 minutes later
The doctor was setting up her equipment and I was laying down on my bed with my small stomach out, Jace was sitting next to me and holding my hand.
"So Clary, have you ever been pregnant before?"
"Yeah, but I never had a doctors appointment to check in it. Just to get rid of it."
"Okay, well i'm going to apply this gel on you and it's going to feel weird ok?"
I nodded and she stuck her hand into some can of this clear-blueish gel and rubbed it on my stomach. She took this weirdly shaped object and began rubbing it around my stomach, all of a sudden there were these quiet drum sounds.
"There it is. Your baby's heart beat is normal."
I didn't know how to feel, it was amazing don't get me wrong but I'm not ready to be a mother. I looked over at Jace who had tears coming out of his eyes, he was clearly excited and so was the doctor.
"Okay I'll be back in a few weeks to do an ultrasound and to check up on you and the baby. Alright?"
I nodded and took a towel off of my bedside table and whipped the gel off of my stomach.
"Jace I don't know if I can do this. I'm not even 17." I sat down at my desk and put my head in my hands.
I heard him get off of my bed and walk over to me. He put his hand n my shoulder and started to massage it. "I'm right here baby, always."
"Thanks Jace, but can I just be alone for a little bit." I turned towards him and smiled at him,
He nodded at me and walked out. I sat in my chair for a little while and just stared at the wall. After a while I stood up and walked over to my mirror and lifted my shirt up and did the scene from twilight after she find out she's pregnant. I looked at my stomach and put my hand over where the baby is and I twisted myself sideways and saw a tiny bump. What did I do to deserve this. What did Jace do to deserve this. I just wish I could have been the one to get shot instead of my father, I mean they were definitely aiming at me but apparently the universe had other plans, stupid plans like this.
I can't love this thing, how am I supposed to love the thing that ruined my life. Maybe I can just move back to Louisiana after it's born and forget about New York, maybe I'll get shot at again and they won't miss. Maybe Jace would just forget about me and forget I ever existed. Maybe everyone would be better off forgetting about me at this point.
I looked at my stomach again and held onto it earth a tighter grip, how am i supposed to be a mother, I didn't grow up with one. I never had anyone make sure I was home at a certain time, or stayed out of jail, nobody even gave me food.  What the hell am I supposed to do.