Just By Chance

22. A Kiss Goodnight

Beam set his pencil down and rubbed his eyes. He was so tired of staring at his textbooks that he felt his eyes were going to drop out of his head at any moment. It was almost 10pm and the library was going to close in an hour. Phana and Kit had left about an hour ago but Beam wanted to stay and study some more since he missed out on studying the other day when he went to Forth's soccer game. Surprisingly, the library wasn't that full today despite a couple of the faculties having exams coming up. The library was mostly filled with students from the school of medicine and school of engineering as their exams were notoriously difficult. All the rest of the faculties hadn't even started classes yet.

Beam had had enough though. If he studied more it would be pointless as he wasn't retaining anything anymore. It was time to go. He packed up his things and made his way towards the closest elevator. As he exited the elevator, the elevator directly across from him opened at the same time and out walked Forth. Beam stopped in his tracks and stared in admiration. Instead of his usual engineering jersey, he was wearing the standard school uniform: neatly pressed black slacks, a white button down shirt, and a black tie with the school emblem on it. He was also supposed to be wearing plain, rubber soled, black shoes. But Forth would not be himself if he didn't wear his black boots. When Beam's eyes trailed down to see his shoes, he laughed out loud.

"Well hello to you too." Forth smiled. "What's so funny?"

"Only you would wear your boots with the school uniform."

"Hey. I like my boots, alright?"

They fell into step together naturally and headed for the front doors.

"Why are you in the standard uniform anyway? I haven't seen you in it since freshman year." Beam said.

"I had to give a presentation today and I just never changed my clothes."

Beam looked him up and down again. Forth actually looked really good in the standard uniform. His shirt hugged the muscles in his arms in all the right ways and his slacks hugged his bum quite nicely too. Beam flicked his eyes away before Forth could notice him staring.

"Wanna walk home together?" Forth asked him.

"I drove. I knew I would be here until pretty late and I didn't want to walk."

Forth leaned closer as he walked and playfully batted his eyelashes at Beam. Beam burst out laughing and pushed him away.

"Yes, you can ride with me." He shook his head at Forth's silliness.

In the car, they started off talking but it quickly turned into a quiet ride back to the dorm. When Beam pulled into an empty section of the dorm parking lot, that's when Forth spoke.

"Hey, Beam...about the other day..."

Beam stopped what he was doing and looked at Forth.

"I'm...I'm sorry."

Beam was confused as to why he was apologizing. Had Beam seen what Forth had saw, he would have been angry too.

"I overreacted." Truth was, Forth was embarrassed that he had shown himself like that in front of Beam. Forth, although a bit stern at times, was not a violent person and he didn't want to do anything to scare Beam away. It was just that in that moment, he got angry and jealous. His jealousy took over him quicker than he could even realize he was jealous, and jealousy and anger was never a good mix.

"You did overreact." Beam responded. "But I can't say I wouldn't have wanted to do the same thing if the situation was flipped."

They were quiet for a moment. Forth wanted to say more and Beam could see him thinking.

"I just...I like you a lot, Beam."

Beam's heart skipped a beat at those words.

"And that moment really made me realize that I don't want to just be your friend anymore."

Beam gripped the steering wheel and stared at his hands as his knuckles turned white. These were words that Beam had wanted to hear for a long time. He thought he would be happy to hear them but instead he just felt nervous.

"I don't want anyone else to get that close to you again, I want it to be only me. Guy or girl, I don't want anyone else to ever kiss you again, I want it to be only me. And I don't care what anyone else thinks anymore...Beam, I want to be your boyfriend."

Forth sat quietly as he waited for Beam to speak. Beam's heart was beating quickly in his chest. What he didn't know was that Forth's heart was beating just as fast.

Beam turned slowly to Forth. He felt the same, truly he did, but why couldn't he bring himself to say yes?

"But don't you think it's a bad idea? Won't people look at us strangely?" Beam asked.

"I don't care." Forth said defiantly. "It gets harder everyday to pretend I'm just your friend. When I saw him...that guy...so close to you, I couldn't even control myself. But how can I tell him to stay away from you when I can't even claim you as my boyfriend? I made a fool of myself."

"You didn't. Don't say that." Beam shook his head.

They were silent again.

"I like you a lot, Forth. But I need more time...I'm sorry." Beam said quietly. He knew those were not the words that Forth wanted to hear but Beam was not ready to be open about this.

Forth nodded his head sadly and exited the car. Beam watched him get out then closed his eyes tightly and sighed. Would Forth wait for him? And if he would, for how long?

Beam took off his seatbelt and exited the car too. He opened the back door to retrieve his bag then walked to the other side of the car to meet Forth so they could walk towards the dorm together. Beam stopped to look at him and hoped that he wasn't mad at him. Forth walked over to Beam and stepped so close to him that Beam had to look up.

"Can I kiss you goodnight?"

Beam's breath was caught in his throat and he couldn't speak. All he could do was nod.

Slowly, Forth brought his lips down to meet Beam's and excited butterflies ruptured inside Beam's stomach instantaneously. Beam closed his eyes as his bookbag slipped from his fingers. Forth's lips were firm, and warm and he kissed with longing, but was careful not to get too passionate. Forth kissed him slowly, savoring the feeling of Beam's soft, pink lips. Beam's lips were smaller than Forth's so it was easy to pull Beam's bottom lip into his mouth and softly suck on it.

Forth dropped his own bag that was in his hand and wrapped one arm around Beam's waist, pulling him closer while pressing him into the car. The other hand rested on the window behind Beam's back. Beam couldn't stop his arms from finding their way around Forth's neck as he kissed him back. This is what their first kiss should have been. Slow. Intentional. Romantic. And so many more things that Beam couldn't put into words.

Forth slowly pulled away from the kiss and Beam could feel a sadness starting to grow inside him at the separation of their lips. He didn't want this kiss end. Forth's eyes roamed over Beam's face. With his mouth slightly parted and his eyelids low like they were, all Forth wanted to do was take Beam upstairs, lay him down and try again for real this time. Sober. But he would honor Beam's wishes and not put pressure on him.

Beam raised his neck to try to reach Forth's mouth again but Forth put a finger to his lips to stop him. Beam looked at him and his sadness increased. Forth unwravelled Beam's arms from around his neck slowly and placed his hands back at his sides. He bent down to pick up Beam's bag, then his own. He handed Beam his bag and looked at him.

"I will wait for you, Beam."

And with that, he turned and walked away leaving Beam by the car staring after him.