Missing Like You

TWENTY-EIGHT

Lexie
Monday November 6, 2017

Dear Diary,

Things have been going quite well here on my end. I have officially moved, again. This time to a city. I've never lived in a city before, just small towns where there's not much to do and where people think they're better than they actually are. But I feel like I've officially made it or something now that I'm living in a big city. I chose Philadelphia because I've always heard good things about it and also it's right on a river and is close to New Jersey.

I'm a few hours away from home now but that's okay. I kind of wanted to distance myself from there, as well as get farther away from the sorority since I was still living pretty close to there after my move from Arielle.

It's almost been a year since I started at The Blue Angel and I can't believe everything that's happened since then. Blue Angel was a great start for me, but now it's time to move on to bigger and better things. Tilda was the one who suggest R is for Rouge. It's a high-end strip club here in Philly. Tilda knows the owners and said she'd try to get me in. Sure enough, she did! So I work here now. And while I do like living in Philadelphia, I must admit that Rouge just isn't the same as Blue Angel. Blue Angel was quaint and tame compared to Rouge. And quite honestly, Rouge scares me a little bit. There are so many people here, both employees and guests. I often get swept away and forgotten about because there's so many of us. My new boss is a man named Carl. He's somewhat nice, but more business-oriented than Tilda. He only cares about the club and making money, so the girls and our well-being aren't really his top priority.

I moved here in September, so it's been almost two months now. It was really hard having to leave and say goodbye to Arielle and Alexa. Alexa is growing so fast and it makes me sad that I won't be around to watch her take her first steps or say her first words. I'm still her Godmother though, and Arielle says I can come back and visit anytime. Alexa is so cute. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, just like Arielle. I'm not sure what features she inherited from Nick but I don't really care. As long as she doesn't inherit his personality.

I live in a high-rise condo here that faces the river. It's somewhat expensive, but I can afford it. If I thought I made a lot of money at Blue Angel, then I don't even know what to say about my paycheques here at Rouge. They are way bigger than before and I no longer have anything to worry about. That's all I've ever wanted in life, to feel financially secure. My dad told me to stop sending him money, so I did. But maybe I'll just give him a really good gift this year for Christmas.

There's this cute guy that lives here in my condo. His name is Brody and he always smiles at me when we see each other in the lobby. We've talked a few times and he said we should go up and sit on the rooftop sometime to have a few drinks and watch the stars. That sounds romantic, doesn't it? He's a few years older than me, but that's okay, I look older than I am. I don't even want to date a guy my age because they're all immature idiots. I'd prefer someone who is older and has their life sorted out.

Can you believe that I've never had a boyfriend before? Is that crazy, or is it just me? I've been with plenty of guys, I just haven't been in a relationship with any of them. It's really trivial but that's how this generation works. Guys don't want to date you and commit to you if they don't have to. So you basically go about your lives, kissing, having sex, holding hands, going for brunch, doing all of the things that constitute being in a relationship without actually calling it one. Stupid, right?

Maybe I'll get myself a boyfriend one day. Or maybe I'll just go right from single to married – who knows. Perhaps I can date Brody. He seems like he'd be good boyfriend material.

There are some things I didn't mention in here before because I wasn't ready to talk about it at the time, but I think I'm ready now. It's the reason why I had to move (or, escape) here to Philly.

Some of the girls back at Blue Angel came up with this idea one night. We were all hanging out at Megan's place, having some drinks and stuff. (By stuff I mean drugs.) Laura was going on about how much she hated the men that came into Blue Angel and I kind of tended to agree with her. We all did. As the strippers there – the main source of entertainment – we saw how we were treated and taken advantage of. We weren't being paid as much as we could have been, and we were sick and tired of men treating us like we were trash, all while throwing their hard-earned money at us. It was Laura's idea, but we all went along with it.

She said that we should reclaim our dignities and get back at the men who had degraded us and made us feel worthless. We put our plan into motion and began slipping hallucinogenic drugs into their drinks. Then we'd get them to leave with us after our shifts. We figured that whatever happened once our shifts were over was fair-game, and as long as we weren't on Blue Angel property that we'd be fine. Boy were we wrong.

It started off innocent. Okay, maybe not innocent, but at least we didn't kill them! We'd just take their wallets and their watches and expensive jewellery and stuff. Then we'd put them back in the general vicinity of Blue Angel and when they'd wake up the next morning, they wouldn't remember much. No harm there, right?

There was this one evening in particular though, and that was the night that changed everything. Megan and I had just finished our shift and were leaving Blue Angel. That's when we saw Holly with one of the men that was in the club earlier that night. He looked kind of funny, so I knew immediately that she had slipped him something and was proceeding to take him elsewhere. She looked kind of scared and called us over, so naturally, we went. She said that she needed help bringing him to her apartment, that's all. I debated saying no. I was really tired and hungry and just wanted to go home. But Holly was my friend and she needed help, so Megan and I agreed to help her.

The man was pretty large, definitely over six feet. He was staggering and slurring his words a lot. It took all three of us tiny girls to help him walk from Blue Angel all the way to Holly's apartment, which was only three blocks away.

We helped them into the front lobby, then into the elevator, and all the way up to her apartment. We went inside and the man hobbled towards the couch and collapsed onto it. Holly leaned over the counter, trying to catch her breath. I went to her fridge and got myself a bottle of water, then handed one to Holly and Megan. The three of us stood in there for a few minutes, drinking our water, conversing. Then Megan and I told Holly that we were heading out for the night and to be careful with Heavy Man on the couch.

As she walked us to the door, we all glanced over and looked at him. He was laying a certain way, his body contorted in an awkward positon. His face was all crumpled up and I think it was then that I knew something was wrong.

I immediately walked over to him and put my fingers on his neck. There was no pulse.
"What's the matter?" Holly asked, fear rising in her voice as she walked over.
"He's not breathing," I told her. "No pulse."
"Oh my God," Megan stared blankly from her spot at the door. "We have to call an ambulance."
"Are you crazy?" Holly snapped her head at her. "We can't call a fucking ambulance. They'll know I drugged him. And if he's dead, I'll go to prison."

The seconds seemed to pass like hours. The three of us stood there, staring at this man on the couch, wondering what the fuck we were going to do.

"I'll try CPR," I finally said, then sprang into action. Holly and Megan watched, silently praying that some miracle happened and he would start breathing again.

After ten minutes had passed, I eventually gave up. I sat back on the floor, panting, trying to catch my breath. Megan and Holly were frozen, staring at the now-dead body.

We didn't know what else to do, so we called Tilda. She came straight away and helped us with the body. She told us not to worry, that he was a bad man and something terrible was bound to happen to him anyways. But still, I felt bad.

After that, Tilda said it was best if we didn't work at Blue Angel anymore. She split the three of us up, chivying us off in three separate directions. Holly went north, Megan went west, and I went east, to Philadelphia.

I've always wanted to live in the city.