Missing Like You

TWELVE

Sandy
Thursday January 12, 2017

Dear Diary,

Happy New Year! I wish I could report back to you with some good news, but unfortunately, I cannot. Where to even begin...

After I last wrote in here, I went home to see my dad for Christmas. He was so shocked to see me, and I think he was angry that I left, but when he saw me, I know how happy and relieved he was. I apologized to him about not writing or having any contact, but I thought it would be best for both of us to cut all contact. I didn't want him constantly checking in and worrying about me. Oh, and the most obvious reason: I didn't want him knowing that I was living at the sorority.

We had Christmas dinner together and he asked me how things were going. I lied about most of it and told him I had a job and an apartment and was managing quite well. I don't know if he believed me, but what other choice did he have? He seemed happy for me, and even gave me two hundred dollars before I left that weekend. I asked him how he was and made sure that he was doing okay without me. He said things were picking up at work and he was making more money. I hope he's telling the truth and not just saying that so I'll stop feeling guilty and come home. Nevertheless, we left things on a good note and I told him I'd come home to visit soon.

There was a huge New Year's party at Alpha Chi Omega. Everyone on campus was invited and the police never even showed up. Naomi was so worried that something would go wrong. I don't know why she's always worrying so much. Maybe because she's in charge and so everything is at stake for her. Also probably because she hides a lot of drugs in the house.

I met this boy at the party. His name is Cooper. We talked and flirted all night. He gave me lots of drinks, and at midnight, he kissed me. I've officially had my first ever New Year's kiss! I think he wanted me to come back to his place afterwards, but I wasn't feeling the greatest and ended up just staying back with the sisters to clean after everyone left. He gave me his number and told me to call him whenever.

We hung out twice after that. Once on January third, and the second time just the other day, on Sunday. I presume that will be my last time seeing Cooper, after everything else that has happened this week... But he was really nice. And hot. I'll miss him.

Okay, so I might as well stop stalling and just come right out and tell you: I've been kicked out of the sorority.

Earlier this week, someone found out about my giant hidden secret, and they told someone else, and then someone else told Naomi, and she was furious. She came into my bedroom and started screaming at me, accusing me of leaching off them and using them for food and shelter, which was true. She barely even gave me a chance to respond or defend myself. I did a pretty poor job at that. I could have lied and made something up, but I think my lies have only gotten me into messes at this point, so I gave up and told her the truth.

I think she felt a little sorry for me after I told her about mom dying and dad not having enough money and everything. She got real quiet and said that sometimes life's not fair. She talked to me like a normal person after that, but still remained firm in her decision to kick me out of the sorority. She said they can't legally be responsible for me due to the fact that I'm not even enrolled in the school and that if something happened, it would be on them. I think she's mainly just concerned because of all the illegal things that happen at the parties here, but I didn't tell her that. She helped me pack up my things and told me she'd try to keep it from the others. The truth will come out eventually. Then they'll all know I'm a big fat liar. And now I can add poor and homeless to the list.

There's another girl who's being kicked out of the sorority as well. I guess January 2017 is cleansing month! Her name is Arielle and she just found out she's pregnant. Naomi said they can't have a baby living in the house, so Arielle has to find someplace else to live. Arielle and I have begun looking for cheap apartments together. She has a part-time job, and I told her that I did as well, even though that's a lie. (I know, I need to stop lying. I'm working on it, okay?) But today is Thursday and I'm certain we'll have a place by Monday. It's the new semester now, so I think there might even be off-campus student housing available. We will go look this weekend.

Anyways, that's all the updates I have for you thus far. I know it's not all good, but I promise, the next time I write in here, things will be so much better for me.