Missing Like You

TWENTY-THREE

Lexie
Sunday August 27, 2017

Dear Diary,

It's officially been one year since I first started writing in here! I know I haven't written much, but there's only so much I can do. I'm twenty now, so only one more year until I'm "legal". (Although that really doesn't mean anything to me since I basically do everything twenty-one year old's do anyways, just not under permission of the law.)

Arielle gave birth to her baby girl! It happened on July 28, only a week before my birthday! Remember how I told you that she wanted to name her baby after me? Well I insisted she didn't, all the way up until the twenty-eighth when we were at the hospital. She didn't listen to me and now her baby's name is Alexandra Elizabeth Munro. We compromised and have decided to nickname her Alexa. I think that's a pretty name. Arielle used her own last name on the baby because she's a feminist and doesn't think that her rapist ex-boyfriend should have any namesake in her child's life. Although, he is paying child support and decided that he wants to be a part of Alexa's life. Maybe he's improved himself for the better these past nine months. I know I sure have!

I've come a long way in one year. I remember writing in here last summer, bummed out and sad about fucking Tommy Larsen. I can't believe I ever let myself get that upset about a boy. Never again! I promise you that.

Then the whole moving out thing happened, and I adjusted to life well in the sorority. Things were good while it lasted, but ultimately, it was my time to move on. Now, Arielle and I have decided to go our separate ways. She's moving back in with her parent's so they can help her with Alexa. I've moved into my very own one bedroom apartment, all by myself. And the best part is, I can afford it! I never thought I'd reach a point in my life (so soon for that matter) where I am independently supporting myself financially. But working at the strip club has been one of the best career choices on my part. I've even been sending money to dad each month so that he has enough. I hope he doesn't get offended or try to give any back to me.

The last time I saw dad was at Easter. I went home to visit and we had a nice weekend together and caught up. I noticed that he was kind of looking at me differently. The last time he saw me I kept my hair pin-straight, hardly wore any make-up, and had some pretty ugly clothes, considering we couldn't afford anything extravagant. But when he saw me in April, my hair was all long and curled, I had lots of makeup on, and I wore a pretty outfit. Perhaps he didn't recognize me as the same girl who lived with him last year. But that's fair because I'm not the same girl I was last year. Sandy is dead, and now I am Lexie. I like her so much better.

I'm currently debating whether I should dye my hair blonde or not. I've had brown hair for my entire life and I find it ugly and boring. I'm sure Tilda would love the prospect of me being blonde. "Men love blondes," she'd tell me. Tilda is blonde, after all. But there's also something kind of neat about being brunette. It's kind of dark and mysterious. Besides, if I bleach my hair blonde, it will be so much upkeep! Constant trips to the hair salon for root touch-ups and all that. Money isn't an issue, but it's kind of annoying having that kind of commitment to your own hair. And it's probably not the healthiest either. My hair is really long and healthy right now. I don't want to ruin it. Maybe I'll get a wig.

There was an incident at the strip club last month. It's called The Blue Angel, in case you're wondering. I'm going to stop referring to it as a strip club (even though it very much is one) and simply start saying The Blue Angel. It's named after some 1930's movie I think. That's what Jasmine told me. Anyways, there was an incident last month because there were these men in there and they were very drunk. Most of the men who come into Blue Angel are usually drunk or on some sort of drug. But these men were being sort of aggressive and rude. At one point, one of them tried to go up on the stage with one of the girls, and security had to pull him down and tell him to stay in his seat. They should have kicked him out right then and there. Because shortly after that, Roxy was walking from the stage back to her dressing room, and the same man from the stage cornered her and tried to kidnap her! Security had to come again, but this time, the man took out a gun and shot the security guard! Meanwhile, I'm back stage with Jasmine and Holly, and we hear this gunshot go off, so we scream and try to hide under the tables. Fortunately, the security guard was only shot in the thigh. Another guard tackled the guy from behind and knocked the gun out of his hand. For some reason (which is beyond me), Roxy picked up the gun and shot the guy who grabbed her in the head. He died, obviously, and then she had a meltdown and went into some kind of catatonic state. Later, we found out that she was raped, twice, and when the guy grabbed her, it triggered some sort of PTSD reaction. They took her off to the psyche ward and we haven't seen her since.

That is why they shouldn't let drunk men into the club. Because drunk men are idiots and do stupid things.

I take that back. All men are idiots and do stupid things, not just the drunk ones.