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The knock on the door made me jump in my seat and Kian threw me a sad smile before running his thumb over my knuckles.
"You're safe here, Dilly" he reminded and I tried to nod but my body barely moved, I was frozen on the sofa and had been since he'd drove me home the day previous from the coffee shop.
Kian disappeared to open the door and the muffled voices became background noise to my already chaotic head but as soon as I heard my name being called out everything fell silent.
"Dillon" the call was soft and sad and came from the lips of the infamous Emma Chamberlain.
I don't know what happened but i found that my body had raised from the sofa and had crashed into Emma's chest in the tightest of hugs.
I stayed there for what felt like hours and she never let go once because she knew how much I needed it.
Though when I pulled away it wasn't long before I was pulled into another hug, this one from a much larger and stronger frame and I pulled away a slight to see Grayson as he assessed my face in panic.
"We're so goddamn glad you're okay." He breathed.
"We heard everything from Kian this morning and we got here as soon as we could" Ethan smiled taking Emma into his side to keep her safe and it reminded me of what Kian did to me.
"Thank you" I managed out my chapped lips looking up through my eyelashes past Emma and the large twins to catch a glimpse of how Kian was coping.
The answer was badly, his eyes were ringed with black and his hair was ruffled, none of his clothes matched the others and he anxiously chewed on the skin aside of his thumb nail.
"What can we do?" Emma offered turning to Kian who I was sure had noticed how terrible he looked.
Fuck, I wondered if I looked the same, even worse.
"Anything, I just want to take my mind off of it" I replied looking towards Kian again because my eyes couldn't stop flickering towards him, it was a natural instinct.
"Got a coffee machine? I haven't had anything this morning?" Emma suggested and I smiled and nodded for her to follow me.
Once in the kitchen she took me into another brief hug and tilted her head back to where we had been sat and where her boyfriend and his twin brother were stood.
"Kian looks dreadful, he didn't sleep?" Emma asked and I shook my head and sighed remembering the way he cradled me all night and sobbed into my hair, kissing my cheeks constantly as if he was going to lose me at any second.
It was at that moment that i realised how much he meant to me, and obviously how much i meant to him. A true moment of realisation where my body just crumbled inwards and i wanted to sob.
Emma took me into a tight hug again, this time from behind, resting her chin in the crook of my neck as i made the coffee on the machine sat in the corner.
"You told him yet?" Emma randomly asked out of no where and I paused to look back at her, I must've looked dreadful because I hadn't eaten or slept since what happened.
"huh?" I raised a brow towards her and she giggled.
"that you like him, it's kind of obvious" I paused in disbelief as my eyes followed Emma's towards the anxious boy as he stood pretending to be invested in the twins conversation.
"No" I admitted, sighing with defeat.
"What's holding you back?" Emma asked, noticing that the coffee machine had done its business and she could snatch the mug and immediately bring it to her lips.
I stood and thought about it for a while as I watched the situation in front of me unfold. The boys were obviously trying to ease Kian's nerves but as his best friend I knew his mind was still fluttering back to what had happened.
What had happened?
I remembered the conversation with Eleanor and the wailing man, I remembered the gun fires and the squeals of the other customers as I was dragged out the shop.
But most importantly I remembered that Kian sped the whole way there just to make sure I was safe, to hold me in his arms and inhale my hair thankfully not for the last time.
"What's holding me back?" I repeated the question out loud and it made Emma turn to look at me, giving me her full attention to show me that she was listening.
The gun man hadn't been caught, but that's because he was good. He'd been able to hide from the multiple officers trying to track him down and he'd been able to hide from all the other hired investigators my brothers had paid for.
I knew the gun man, I was certain of it.
Yes, this was America and coincidences happen, but my coffee meeting was purely there for Eleanor to tell me about providing safety.
Truth was, I wasn't ever safe, not while the gun man and his family were free.
"What's holding me back?" I repeated again like a broken record before making eye contact with Emma "my past" I finally answered.
