Dear Nate {Dear #1}

-Chapter 30-

Josh leans over and kisses her cheek. "If five year olds are hitting on you, image what it will be like when you go to college."

"I'm going to a community college. It'll be fine."

As the minutes tick by my nerves increase. What will happen once Alison sees that I'm here? I know for a fact Josh hasn't told her I'm coming. I hope I decided correctly and at least Scott is here so I don't feel too out of place.

When I see Mr. and Mrs. Collins walk through the back door my heart quickens. Alison's parents are grinning at the guests as they walk out. Then, I see her. Alison walks outside timidly. Her younger cousins squeal and shout in excitement before running and hugging her legs. Alison gasps before a smile spreads on her lips. Her grandparents walk over next before embracing her in a long and tight hug. As each one of her family members greets her, Scott and I stay back. Josh and Olivia make their way over to Alison next.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Scott remarks, my eyes leaving Alison to look at Scott.

I turn around in my seat so my back is to Alison. I lower my gaze so I'm looking at the table cloth that has flower printings on it. Seeing her now after all this time is bringing back my pressed down feelings. I may have tried to hide my emotions or more like run from them, but now-I can't do that to myself. My feelings haven't gone anywhere since Alison said she didn't want me in her life.

"Nate," Scott says. "Are you alright?"

I release a deep breath through my nostrils. Am I alright?

"Nate?" I hear Alison's sweet, soft voice from behind me.

My whole body freezes for a moment before I turn around. "Hey Alison," I say before standing up. She's a good couple of inches away. "I'm glad you're better and have finished all your school work."

She nods, having a smile on her face that's barely there. "Me too." We look at each other, neither one of us saying anything. Alison soon looks down before turning and smiling at Scott. "Thank you for coming Scott."

He nods. "My pleasure."

"Oh, Nate," Mrs. Collins says in surprise as she approaches Alison from behind. "I didn't think you'll come."

A feeling of being unwanted spreads throughout my body. Maybe her family didn't want me here, but Josh. I want to shrink into the background at this point.

"Mom, when will dinner be ready?" Josh asks, taking the attention off of me.

Mrs. Collins turns her attention to her son. "Maybe in ten minutes?" She rests a hand on Alison's shoulder. "Your father and I got you something. It's in the house. Do you mind leaving your friends for a minute?"

Alison makes eye contact with me quickly before shaking her head. "No it's okay. I'll see you guys in a little bit," she says to us before leaving with her mom.

After a few seconds of silence Scott speaks, "Well, that was awkward."

I let out a sigh and agree. We sit back at the table and engage in small talk until dinner is served. Everyone gets their plate of food and have small conversations. As I nibble on my burger I look around to try and find Alison. I find her getting food. Her brown hair whips in her face and she smiles softly as she wipes it away. Once she has her food she turns around and we make immediate eye contact. I don't look away though. She bites her bottom lip before Josh calls her over to the table. Alison hesitates for a quick moment before coming over.

Once she sits down the conversations continue at the table. I say very little, but notice Alison glance at me every once and a while. A few times I'll make eye contact on purpose which earns me one of her blushes. I find her blushing cute.

"Nate," Josh says, bringing me back to the conversation. "When are you leaving for school?"

"In a month," I respond before taking a drink out of my pop.

"That's cool. Alison is leaving around the same time," Josh adds.

I look up at Alison to see her popping grapes in her mouth as she looks down. "What dorm are you staying in?" I ask Alison.

Alison looks up, the blush still on her cheeks. "Um, Fuller."

A small smile appears on my lips. "I'm in the dorm next door-Stevenson."

"Well isn't that great!" Josh exclaims.

Alison rolls her eyes before continuing eating. The nagging feeling of awkwardness and not being welcomed her returns. If I'm making her feel uncomfortable I might as well leave. This is her party and I don't want to ruin it for her.

"I think we should get going," I say, turning to Scott who is looking at me in surprise.

"What?" Olivia and Josh say at the same time.

I turn to Scott and give me a pleading look. Scott nods before standing up. "Yeah," he says, pushing in his chair after we both stand. "My mom is expecting us for dinner."

"You can just eat here," Josh suggests.

"I'm sorry," Scott replies. "I'm happy you're doing good Alison."

I shyly look up and see Alison nod. "Thank you for coming," she says softly before looking at me. "You too Nate. Thanks you for coming."

My lips spread thin. "Anytime."

When I turn to leave a bitter feeling takes over. Am I doing the right thing? I don't know. Scott and I walk down the driveway, almost to his car, before I hear my name being called.

"Nate! Wait!" I hear Alison's voice behind me.

I turn around in a snap, Scott following. He watches in amazement and I watch in surprise as she jogs over, her brown waves bouncing in rhythm with her movement. She smiles sheepishly, holding what looks like a blue journal in her hands. Alison breathes out a sigh once she catches up with us.

"Um, hi." A blush spread across her cheeks.

The corners of my lips curl up. "Hi."

Her holds out the small blue journal to me. "I figured this is a journal I'd want you to read," she smiles as I take it from her hands.

"Thanks," I say, holding the journal to my side. I turn to Scott then. "I'll meet you in the car. I'd like to talk to Alison for a moment."

Scott nods without refusing.

"I'm sorry if you felt awkward," I say once Scott is out of earshot. "Your brother told me how you were coming home and he mentioned the party and, well, he said I should come but I didn't know what to do because I didn't know how you'll feel."

"Nate, it's okay," she says, saving me from embarrassing me any further. "I was just shocked to see you after so-long." Alison pauses, shifting on her feet. "I'm so sorry about how I reacted Nate," she says, I can sense her vulnerability in her voice.

I shake my head. "It's okay Alison. I understand," I say, even though I didn't notice it before. "I may have been hurt and didn't realize it at the time, but you were just looking out for yourself. I understand why you did what you did."

"But I didn't give you a chance."

"You were protecting your feelings."

Alison's smile brightens. "So, are we okay?"

I nod. "Yeah."

________

After watching a movie with Mom and Dad I head upstairs. I strip from my jeans and stay in my boxers. When I got home Mom made me tell her what happened at Alison's. Mom was ecstatic to hear Alison and I worked things out.

I grab the blue journal I threw on my bed once I got home because I was nervous to read it. I open the front flap and smile as I scan the beginning words.