Alcohol

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I've been staying a lot in my backyard porch lately. Seokjin loves sitting down here every morning. He loves eating his breakfast and snack here everyday. He loves sitting beside the pool and playing the water with his feet. I miss him. It's been two months.

I'm waiting for Jungkook to arrive. These are the times when I needed someone to talk to.

I still don't know how and where to find my Seokjin and our baby. I hope he is okay. I hope he is eating well. I regret the fact that I did not even bring him to my sister to check him up. I hope he's now taking vitamins and he's getting enough rest and sleep.

Seokjin.... where are you now?

"Dr. Kim?" Beomgyu.

I looked behind me. Beomgyu reached out and handed me an envelope.

"Seokjin-ssi asked me to give this letter to you. I want to give it you the other day but you've been drinking a lot lately. I think I should give it to you now." Beomgyu bowed and went back inside the house.

I opened the envelope and pulled out the paper inside. I don't know why I'm feeling nervous to open the letter. But I did. I need to know his thoughts before he left. I thought it is a long letter but I was surprised that it's just short.

Taehyung,

Hi.. i hope you're feeling a lot better now. Sorry I wasn't able to say goodbye personally. I know that you've been very busy at the hospital. I don't want to bother you. Again, I'm really sorry for everything. I can't blame you if you're mad. I know you don't mean it. Besides, it's all my fault.

Don't worry about our child. I will tell our baby how precious his/her father is. I'll make sure that our child will grow up knowing not just your name but you as a very loving human being. I'll make sure that my child will love you and look after you. I promise.

I love you Tae. I hope you'll forgive me someday.

Seokjin

It hits me hard. Why Seokjin always blames himself? Why is he so kind? I realized how stupid I am for letting him slipped away. I regret that I made him feel rejected and abandoned. My Seokjin, he is so pure and innocent. Where can I find you? I need to find you.

"Hey! What's up!" Jungkook arrived with bottles of Soju and a box of Korean Fried Chicken.

"How's my work for you?" I asked.

He shakes his head, "No sign yet. I went to Jimin's apartment but the landlord said he doesn't know Jimin's number and hometown address. The phone number I got from his manager is already cut. I really thought he did that on purpose. But his manager said Jimin mentioned that he will have his mobile line cut because he doesn't have the mean to pay for the bills anymore. I also asked some of his neighbors there but they said Jimin don't usually mingle with them. Home and work were his routine.".

I asked Jungkook to know the location of Jimin's apartment. I need to know where I can contact him. I know that Seokjin is with him. I know that he's the only family Seokjin has.

Jungkook used his charm and flirt with Jimin's manager just to get Jimin's old apartment address and his cellphone number. But to no avail.

I opened a bottle of Soju and drank straight from the bottle. "Woah! Can't you wait? I guess its a lot tastier if we will use a shot glass. Don't you think?"

"I don't need a shot glass. I need to feel numb." That's all I need.

"Wait. I have a suggestion." Jungkook smiled.

"Jungkook I know that smile. If your suggestion is non-sense please stop it now."

"This is not non-sense. Listen, why don't you try dating?" As expected from Jungkook.

"You know what? I don't need a date. I need my partner and my baby back. I don't have time for that." I declined his suggestion.

"Come on! You need time to mingle with others as well. Seokjin is not the only fish in the ocean. There's actually a lot. Try the others." Jungkook naughtily suggested.

"Jungkook I'm not a fuckboy. Okay? Now, just do your homework or you will not get your commission from me." I threatened him.

"Okay! Sorry. Just sayin." Jungkook laughed. "By the way, you said you will meet Dr. Min tonight. So don't drink a lot. You need to drive."

"Then why did you bring a lot if this are not meant to be consumed?" I asked finishing my first bottle.

"I just brought it. I did not tell you to finish it." Jungkook said.

"I need to find them JK. How am I going to do that? I want to know how is Seokjin and our baby." I'm about to cry.

"I can bet that Seokjin already went to a doctor for a check up. Come on! He knows what he needs to do."

I stared at Jungkook. Doctor? Seokjin needs to see a doctor.

"Ermmm... why? Do I have a dirt on my face?" Jungkook asked.

"Jk, Seokjin mentioned a name of a doctor that Jimin suggested him to see. But I can't remember the last name. All I can remember was his name is Dr. Jackson."

"Hey!" Yoongi came with an invitation in his hand. He handed it to me and I placed it on the table.

"Our meet up is tonight, right?" I asked.

"I know. But I saw Jungkook buying a lot of Soju in the convenience store. I thought and I know that you'll get wasted and drunk again. So before it happens and before you ditch me, I decided to just come over." Yoongi said, his expression blank. He is always like that.

"As I was saying, Seokjin mentioned a name of a doctor that Jimin suggested for him to see. Seokjin also mentioned his name to me. But I can't remember the last name. All I can remember is the first name. Dr. Jackson." I said again. I must admit that I did not pay attention to Jackson's full name as it made me extremely jealous. He is also the reason why I hurt Seokjin the night before I learnt about his pregnancy.

"Jackson.. hmmm.. sounds handsome don't you think? And also a doctor. I bet, he already asked Seokjin for a date." Jungkook, i will kill you.

"Fuck off Jk! You're not helping!" I yelled.

"Uhmmm... I think there's a lot of Dr. Jackson in our country. So goodluck if you can find out the last name." Yoongi said.

"Why did I not pay attention when Seokjin said his full name." I grunt finishing off my second bottle. I felt a little tipsy now. I reached for the third bottle but Jungkook tapped my hand.

"Hyung, I think you had enough." Jungkook removed the bottles and place them under the table. "You had two already."

"I want to feel numb. Give me one more." My head spinning now.

"You want to feel numb?" Yoongi handed me a bottle of soju. "Here. Smash it on your head. You'll feel numb right away."

"Fuck you!" I mumbled. I know my words were little jumbled.

"Hyung, alcohol will not bring Seokjin and your baby back. You're just making yourself miserable. So even if you drown yourself with alcohol, you'll still wake up tomorrow without Seokjin. And please hyung, ask your kidney how's it doing inside you. I bet its already cursing you." Yoongi frowned. Always the most straightforward person I know.

I heard Jungkook laughing somewhere. Alcohol starts to consume my head. But I must admit, Yoongi was right again. Alcohol can never bring Seokjin and my baby back. I should know as soon as possible the last name of that Doctor.

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