Best of Mistakes -Niam Mpreg

Chapter 34

Warning: Self harm.

“Look at me,” Harry says and he is holding his breath now. He doesn’t know why though, he just wants to look into those chocolate brown orbs, drown in them and never reach the surface, “Zayn, look at me.” he commands again when the tanned boy doesn’t comply the first time.

The second time however he does. He can’t deny that he wants to look at Harry just as much. Zayn’s eyes meet Harry’s glistening ones, everything changes. The hours slow down once again. Harry’s eyes hold no disgust instead they hold an expression; complex, unfathomable, indecipherable. He doesn’t even realize whats happening when Harry’s hand comes up to touch his rough, wet cheek.

Unable to help himself, Zayn cries again.

All resolves of staying strong in front of Harry, of saying everything he wanted to dissipate, flowing out of his eyes in the shape of tears. He wants to avert his gaze again, look somewhere else but the feel of Harry’s palms against his cheeks is filling him with comfort and hope.

His face is sandwiched between those large hands as Harry holds the trembling face in his hands. Wiping the tears off with the pads of his thumbs, not letting those wet drops even reach Zayn’s chin. Letting the indescribable feeling of touching that skin after such a long time sink in.

All Zayn can comprehend is that Harry’s hands are over his blotchy face. Fingers skimming over every line, smoothing out all the rough, distorted edges. Tracing over his eyebrows, caressing over his eyelids, doodling over his cheeks, fondling with his unshaved facial hair, brushing his flat hair out of his eyes, learning every curve his face had to offer. All that while, tears fall down his eyes in uncontrollable amounts.

Finally, Harry’s mobile hands rest on Zayn’s neck. Thumbs still lingering over his chin, working their way with the tears.

“Stop crying Z,” he says lightly and Zayn feels every emotion his voice holds. And he tries his best to hold back those tear drops, keep them inside like he had been doing for so long but he is unable to. They just fall, fall like some raging waterfall down his face until Zayn shakes his head and Harry decides that he just might have to kiss those tears away.

He leans in, lets his face loom over Zayn’s for a moment, watches those deep brown eyes widen a little. Still gazing at him with a hundred questions hanging in them. The air around them seems to get heavier as gradually and ever so slightly, Harry lets his lips come in contact with Zayn’s skin. He hears the older boy draw in a long breath when another kiss is placed on his face; right next to his nose, right below his left eye. The taste of Zayn’s tears cling to his lips as he continues to place little kisses all over the worn out face. From the folds on his forehead to every little crinkle that forms right beside his eyes. From those dark patches under his eyes to the tip of his nose. His jaw, his chin, the area that surrounds his lips covered with facial hair.

Not once does Zayn close his eyes, just continues to watch Harry being so painfully gentle with him. Noticing how Harry’s eyes have a glow in them and how skillfully they scan his face from time to time. It might be weird but Zayn is gripped by this sudden urge to push Harry away. Half of him regrets what is happening, because just an hour ago Harry was Taylor’s - and the mere thought burns Zayn’s senses and the pain is much worse than ever before - and now he is just so close to Zayn. His knees pressed against Zayn’s chest and his hands, lips all over his face, so close. The Bradford boy wants to bury all intentions of letting him go. Wants the feel of those lips ghosting over his face to last for the rest of his life.

“I am sorry…” he murmurs, trailing off. Because well really, he doesn’t know what he’s sorry for. For burdening Harry with all his feelings knowing that Harry wasn’t his, for blurting out everything without thinking twice, for selfishly being too close to Harry or for his ridiculous behaviour or for breaking his promise.