Lost Boys

• Chapter 18 •

Grey

I couldn't stop thinking. I couldn't stop thinking of his platinum hair, his forest green eyes, his face, his lips, his smile.

I wanted it to stop. It wasn't working. I needed something, anything. I needed to distract myself. Distract myself from me. Distract me from feeling things.

Why did I do it?

My eyes frantically scanned my room trying to find something. Something to distract me. And I did. My eyes landed on my bathroom door that was left ajar. I breathed heavily as I forced myself to walk towards it. I tried to talk to him today. I didn't know what I was going to say. He walked away from me. Maybe he should have.

But it hurt me more than it should have.

With trembling hands, I pulled open one of my bathroom cabinets my eyes landing on the razor. I gulped as I reached forward.

The cold, sharp metal was in my hand.

With shaky breaths, I pressed the object against my pale skin. But I couldn't do it.

I screamed, throwing the razor against the bathroom wall. I stormed out of the bathroom anger and sadness washing through me in such huge amounts that I couldn't breathe.

With tears blurring my vision I rammed my fist against the wall. A surge of pain shot up my arm but I didn't stop. I pushed my knuckles against the wall over and over until finally, the wall started splattering with blood.

Sobs escaped my parted lips as I continued hitting the wall. And with one last yell, I stopped, sobs now shaking my body. 

I pushed my back again my bedroom wall, my chest feeling heavy.

My door was flung open, but I didn't care who it was.

"Grey!" The voice yelled in terror. My eyes slowly landed in the younger girl her eyes filled with tears. Madeline. She rushed towards me, taking my fist in her hand. "What have you done?" Her voice was barely a whisper, but it echoed in my head.

She took off her jacket, using the sleeve to wrap around fingers. Her movements were frantic but careful.

As soon as she tied the knot I broke down. My whole body was shaking with ugly sobs as she wrapped her hands around my body. I buried my head on her shoulder letting my tears drench her shirt. She used one of her hands to run her fingers through my hair as she rubbed soothing circles on my back with the other.

"I'm here," she whispered, gently. "I'm always here,"

"I like someone," I chocked out, more tears slipping past my eyes. "I'm not supposed to like them. I-I don't want to like them." I hated how vulnerable I sounded. I was so weak. So pathetic.

"It's okay, it's okay," she said over my sobs. I was crying. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to stop crying.

"It's all my fault," I mumbled, numbly. "I lost him and it's all my fault,"

"It's not. It's not your fault." She said, sadly as pulled away from the hug. Her gaze was soft and sympathetic. She used her hand to gently caress my face as she shot a warm smile. "It's not your fault."

"It is!" I cried hysterically, as tears ran down my face. "I like him, Maddie. I like a boy. I like Theo. What's wrong with me, Maddie?" My voice cracked. I wasn't sobbing anymore, but the tears wouldn't stop.

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you, Grey." She pressed, cupping my face in her hands. She placed a comforting kiss on my forehead before grazing her thumb over my soaked cheek.