November 18th

:19:

|Chapter 7: Unaware and Gone Forever|

》2003

I wasn't even sure if she still remembered us. Always gone and unaware about her kids. Ever since mom started going out, saying she's gotten over the death of dad, she's completely forgotten us. She always with that man, as if he had hypnotized her. I was convinced he did. Mom never brought him home or introduced him. As much as I wanted to love her, she never gave me the chance to. I miss her.

"Hey Ma, where you heading?" I asked as if I don't know the answer.

"Just going for a little outing with Anthony. Is anything wrong?"

"No" I sighed knowing that 'little' meant she'll be gone all day. Again.

"Great. I'll see you boys later." She said waving to my brothers and I.

It was about 5pm when we heard the front door open and close.

"Who is that?" Israel asked innocently.

"I don't know, I'll check." Emanuel said putting his cards down and getting up.

"I'll come with you." I said placing my cards face down.

We walked out of Gabriel's room where we had been playing card games for the past half hour. We peeked around the hall and saw our mom sitting on the couch with her face in her hands.

"She's home early." I whispered to Emanuel.

"Are you okay Ma? You're home early." Emanuel said walking towards her as I followed.

"Yeah I'm fine. What are you boys up to?" She asked as she brushed her fingers through our hair smiling.

"We were just playing card games." I responded softly. 

She seemed off. I knew something happened but she was avoiding it to not worry us.

"Well you boys go play, I'll get started on dinner."

Emanuel walked back to the room as I stood still, not moving.

"What's wrong Joel?" She asked seeing that I hadn't gone with my brother.

I layed down on the sofa, resting my head in her lap. As if it were an instinct, she began running her fingers through my hair soothingly. "What's wrong?" I asked

"I think I should be asking you that." She said smiling at me.

I shook my head 'no' and asked "Why do you seem so off ever since you came? I know something is wrong; I can read it from your face."

"And what exactly does it say?" She asked as she continously ran her fingers.

"It says your in distress and saddened by something. Maybe even confused." I said calmly. "Did Anthony do something?" I asked hoping she won't get offended.

"No love, just a misunderstanding between us. But don't worry, I know we'll work it out."

"And if you don't. Will you forgive him?"

She paused before letting out a small chuckle. "Well of course. God Forgives. So why wouldn't I?"

I stayed silent.

"Everyone messes up, some do more than others." She continued "but when it comes to someone you love, you have to put trust in God. He'll guide you through your trouble. And if it was meant to be, he'll put you both together in the end. If not, there's a reason to that too. But just know this Joel; God forgives, and love will always win."

"Love always wins." I whispered after her. "Do you love dad?" I asked remembering how in love they once were.

"Of course I did, and I still do. But I know he would want me to move on."

"Do you love Anthony?" I asked not thinking it was possible to be in love with two people at the same time.

She was silent for a moment before answering. "Of course I do. He's been with me ever since."

"So? That doesn't mean you have to be in love with him. Maybe you just love him because he's been there for you."

Her hand froze between the strands of my hair. I looked up and saw her staring straight through the wall quietly.

"Why are you doing this Anthony?" I heard my mom sob over the phone. I peeked my head around the corner to get a glimpse. She had her phone to her ear  with one hand and tissues in the other; her eyes bloodshot from the crying she had been doing.
"Just tell me why."  She paused for him to answer. "Then why are you doing this to me if I did nothing wrong? What is so bad about me loving you? She shook her head as she slowly slid the phone down from her ear. "Oh Anthony, what have we become? You've completely finished me, you've killed me." I heard her whisper before I turned around, going back to my room.

I woke up the next morning later than usual, 11:18 am. I assumed it was because Gabriel and Israel were staying at our cousins house this weekend and Emanuel always slept late on weekends. I walked out the door expecting Ma the be here since she's been home for the past week. I walked to the kitchen to grab something to eat when I noticed her purse and keys were left on the island of the kitchen. Confused, I walked over to the door of her room, knowing she's never slept past 10:00. The silence remained through the house as I knocked on her bedroom door. Not a sound was heard. I knocked again hoping she would walk out sleepily. Silence. "Ma!" I yelled through the door as I knocked again. Silence. I slowly turned the knob of the door only to come face to face with her lifeless body laying on the bed. Surrounded by her own blood, her left wrist slit. I didn't move a muscle. I stayed where I was, starring at the scene I never I wanted to see. I let myself fall on my knees as tears spilled quietly. I stared at her. Her lifeless body staring right back at me. I slowly stood up and walked over to her. I creased her face gently hoping she would wake up even though I knew she wouldn't. I saw her phone laying beside her. Grabbing it, I look to see who she had contacted last. Anthony: 10:28, it read on her caller list. I checked her texts list and his name appeared first in her recents. "I'm truly sorry Patty but I just don't love you in that way. I love you but I'm in love with someone else. Maybe we can still be friends."  That's what the text said by Anthony. I began to get furious, thinking this is all because of this man. If he had never come into her life, none of this would've happened. I screamed in anger as I pulled my hair. Screaming again, I hit the lamp making it fall on the floor into hundreds of pieces. Moments later I heard footsteps coming towards the room.

"What the hell Joel. Why are you scre-" he paused when he saw the horrific scene in front of him. He couldn't move, he was stuck where he was and couldn't comprehend what he was looking at. "M-ma?" He whispered coming towards me. I was on the floor now and had become a sobbing mess. My head rested on the edge of the bed, right next to where her slit arm layed. "Ma!" Emanuel screamed hoping it was all a big joke. "Ma!" He screamed again making me only sob harder. "Ma." His voice cracked as he fell to his knees next to where I was. "No. No. No. Please."

"Joel, why isn't she waking up?!" He screamed. "Wake up. Just wake up."

I could only shake my head in response until we heard a loud knock come from door. We ignored it until we heard it again but louder. "LAPD, open up." We heard this time. Emanuel didn't budge, only continued to stare at her lifeless body. I quickly walked down the hall  and slowly opened the door. I stared at the three policemen whom looked slightly down on me. "A neighbor called saying they heard screams and something breaking from this household. Is everything alright?" The one on the left asked.

You could probably tell nothing was right with the tears running down my face. I shook my head as tears began to spill again. I left the door open as I walked back into her room with the three men following. As soon as one saw the horrific scene, he talked into his walkie talkie on his right chest. "We're gonna need a medic on the premises asap, over."