November 18th

:16:

November 5th, 2012                        

Joel

I knew I should've told her before. I walked back and forth with my hand pulling my hair. My breathing was heavy as my eyes began to water.
This is all my fault. She hates me. She'll never want to see me. Is she okay? What should I do?
I heard the front door open and close and thought who could be home. Emanuel.

"Joel you home?" I heard him yell. I was too caught up in my thoughts to repond. I grabbed my phone and tried calling her, hoping she would pick up and let me explain. It rang once before sending me to voice-mail. I called again but this time I was directly sent to voice-mail.

She must've turned her phone off.
The door to my room opened, revealing Emanuel.

"Hey, hey, what wrong?" He asked coming to me. I couldn't even  get words out to tell him. I turned towards him, breaking down even more. "Joel, you gotta calm down. Just tell me what's wrong."

"She-she's gone! She hates me." I said through sobs. "She'll never come back." I said, throwing myself into his embrace.

"Who are you talking about? Azaiah?"

I quickly nodded my head. "She found out. Everything. She knows it's all my fault and she-she'll never forgive me." I sobed.

"Joel, it's not your fault. You weren't in the right mind set, and you meant no harm-"

"It is my fault! All my fault! If I  just wasn't so fucking stupid, none of this would've happened! I'm so fucking stupid!" I screamed as I pulled my hair frantically. "I love her, Emanuel. I fucking love her so much, and I just lost everything because I was so fucking stupid!"

"Joel, listen to me! If none of that happened,  you would've never met her in the first place! She's alive, right? It's not like you killed her, she's fine and healthy now." He yelled back, shaking me. "Besides, remember what Ma said?" He grabbed my wrist, bringing it to my face.  "Look at your wrist, 'God forgives' if he can, I'm sure Azaiah can too. Sure it'll take time, but if you work hard enough and explain everything to her, she'll forgive you if she really loves you! You're the one who said 'love always wins' so how about you go listen to your own advice instead of blaming yourself for shit that's already been done!"

I stood there quietly, not knowing what to say or what to do now. I quietly nodded my head and sat at the edge of my bed. Emanuel turned around without saying another word as he walked out, shutting the door on his way out. I grabbed my phone and dialed Emilia's number. I waited a few moments after it began to ring. After multiple rings, I was sent to voice-mail and decided to try someone else. I took a deep breath before dialing Christopher's number. I heard a few rings on the other side of the line before I heard a faint 'hello'.
"Hey, Chris?"

"What do you want?" He said coldly.

I'm assuming he knows.

"Look, you have to listen to me, it's not what it sounds like, I swear. But I really need to talk to Azaiah. Please." I begged over the phone, hoping she was with him.

"She's not here." He said blankly.

"W-what do mean she's not there? Where is she? Is she okay?" I asked getting worried.

"She went back to New York early. She couldn't stay any longer. She's not in the right state of mind. Bye-"

"Wait!" I yelled before he could cut the line. "Please just give me her New York address. I need to see her."

"I can't just give her address to people she doesn't wanna see. You don't understand Joel, this isn't something small, you really hurt her. You pretty much lied to her this entire time. If she doesn't wanna see you, then I'm not gonna let you."

"Chris it's not what it sounds like."

"Oh, so you aren't the one you started the fire?"

"That's not what I mean." I sighed not wanting people to keep bringing it up.

"I'm not giving you her address."

"Fine, can I at least come over and explain everything to you first so you know what's going on?" I asked hoping he would say yes.

There was a pause before he spoke. "Fine, but don't expect me to be on your side."

"Trust me, I just want you to know the truth. I'll come by in a little bit. Thanks Chris" I said smiling but only heard a sigh come from the phone before he hung up.
I grabbed my laptop and quickly booked a flight for later tonight.
After doing so, I went over to where my draft book was. I grabbed all the pages, including the ones Azaiah had read. I put them all in a box and taped it shut. I grabbed the box, my wallet and plane ticket before making my way over to Emilia and Chris' place.

"I have to make things right." I whispered to myself before I made my way over.

Elsa492