Review by Tahsin: I Don't Trust You Enough

78 5 4
                                    

Title: I Don't Trust You Enough

Author: SilverAngel999

Reviewer: TahsinHossain


Summary: 3/5

While your summary gave out a simple description of the characters and their personality, it felt empty due to the lack of suspense and drama.

Explain some cases, build some suspense, bring in some aliens! (just kidding!)

But in all honesty, you should add some suspense or thrill to it to make more interesting! Like: 

"The town was full of crimes, murders, rapes and such. And amongst that chaos, stood the ABC Agency, holding its head up with honour and dignity, vowing to protect the citizens of the town."

Something like that!


Grammar: 3/5

Yes, you said English was not your native language, and it isn't mine either.

But still, you had some tense mistakes in the first parts, though the numbers were low. Like, in the first line, you said: 

"I was awakened by the thing.......honestly it is a modern version of....."

No! The story is written in the past form, then why does it jump to the present? 

You had little mistakes like these here and there.

I would suggest you visit our editing store and fix these mistakes as soon as possible.

And try to split the text into more paragraphs to make it easier for the readers to read.


Characters: 4/5

I like the quarrels between Spencer and Lukas, but I didn't like the lack of description.

While you gradually explained how the characters looked, I would suggest you explain it earlier in the story to make it easier for us to imagine.

Like, I could easily imagine Dylan in chapter five, but I didn't get any definite description of Spencer until that part.

And you should NOT change the POV instantly without any warning.

It destroys the flow completely and makes the readers confused.

At least point out the change in the chapter name like: 

"Chapter VI ( P.O.V: Lukas)"

Like that.

And I liked how the characters were totally different from each other, like Lukas and his sister, Spencer and Lukas and so. You can keep doing it like that.

But you introduced too many characters in chapter five. Though the numbers were acceptable, I would suggest you not to do that in future.


Writing Style: 4/5

I liked how you put in the daily lives of the characters, but still, the chapters were too short.

In all honesty, I like reading short chapters. But felt you were making the case too long by adding unnecessary chapters, or by not adding enough suspense. 

If you make it short, add some twists and like that. If you don't want to do that, I would suggest you decrease the number of chapters by putting several of them into one. 

Like chapter one to five can easily fit inside one chapter, and it will be easier for the readers to read as you can explain the POV matter too. 

Also, the pacing of the story was slow. I would suggest you make it a bit faster, like pulling it into 10 chapters instead of twenty.


Plot + Uniqueness: 4/5

I loved how the story went on, be it a bit slow.

Though two people who hate each other fighting together ain't new, still I didn't find many stories like this, so a plus point! But you should have explained more of the agency in the first chapters rather than including the information later on.

But I loved the story and hope to see more from you in the future.


OVERALL SCORE: 18/25

Fix up the grammar errors a bit, decrease the chapter numbers, make the chapters longer and fix the mistakes I pointed out, and we'll have a marvellous story in our hand!

I expect great things from an author of your calibre.

And you can read novels on wattpad, play text-based games we see on the play store, or read dictionaries (I won't support this idea though XD) to increase your vocabulary.

And with that, have a good day! Hope this review helps you! 

Sapphire's Review Store 💙Where stories live. Discover now