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Review by Lone Wolf: VLAD

Title: VLAD

Author: ThatObsessedWriter

Reviewer: GryffindorsLoneWolf

NOTE FROM REVIEWER: 

- Sorry for the delay! I've been busy (classes and work), and I've been stuck at home (which limits my time on Wattpad). Thank you for your patience! 

Summary: 3/5

It felt like there were run-on sentences in it. I liked it, but I think the grammar might've been off. It's not bad! I just suggest shortening the sentences.

Grammar: 3.5/5

Your sentences are long and, to break them up, you used commas mostly. I suggest breaking them with a period or a semicolon or else you'll have run-on sentences. There were a few grammar errors relating to punctuation but your spelling and vocabulary were pretty good! There's a lot of variety.

Character Building: 4/5

I think this was done pretty well...even if some of the things were repeated. You've it down that he's a cruel person and Maria's definitely the opposite of that. The way you portray their characters, it was fun to read! Right of the bat we learn that Maria's not treated well at all, and the advances of the cruel Prince aren't welcome. I think you showed it in a realistic manner. I do think however, that you need to make it clear who's speaking. I know you put spaces between the paragraphs (where they switch POVs), but there are areas where it's Vlad POV and it'll say something that another character's feeling (I'll go over this more in writing style).

Writing Style: 2/5

Your sentences are long. You've put commas to break them up but it isn't enough. Having a variety in the sentence length can be pleasing to the eye of the reader.

Several times within the first few chapters, I noticed you repeating words within sentences and paragraphs a lot, as well as the character's names. If it's only two people speaking, you don't need to repeat their names over and over again. We know who's the speaker and who they're speaking to after one time.

Your paragraphs seem long. I think it's because with one scene, you'll repeat the same action, but using different words. 

She threw the bag up in the air and caught it, she giggled to herself merrily, she stopped by a fountain and decided to check how much money Elena had given her.

First off, it sounds like you conjoined several sentences with just commas. Here's my suggestion for this area:

She threw the bag up in the air and caught it, giggling to herself merrily. Suspicious about how easily Elena had given the money, Maria stopped by a fountain to check how much she'd been given.

Little different, but just my take on this area. 

Occasionally you switch between character POVs. It's subtle, but if you notice, the main characters who the POVs are in are Vlad and Maria's, occasionally one of the people around them. How can they know what the other person is thinking? There's a scene in chapter two that stuck out in my head, because it was written from Dorin's point of view, and yet Maria's shown as "​accepted death". How could Dorin known she was accepting death. Same goes for the guy who's attacking Maria. Keep in mind that even if you're writing in third person POV, you're writing from a specific character's views. They won't be able to know what other people are thinking; they can only assume.

Plot + Uniqueness: 4/5

The plot's a little slow and repetitive at some places, but it's definitely unique! I'm curious as to where you got the idea from! Good job with picking an area. I do think that if you simplified the language in some areas and broke up sentences and paragraphs it'd be a great read.

OVERALL SCORE: 16.5/25