Memory Documentation

chapter eleven | documenting this beautiful, sorrowful day

I thought bringing my journal up here and writing would help better organize my thoughts and feelings, but really, it didn't do much but lead me to more immense worry. I was a total mess today.

I leaned on Jessica's shoulder for a while as we sat in silence. Afraid that the silence would only welcome in the dark clouds again, I asked her, "So, what's everyone doing downstairs?"

"Your Papa ordered pizza for everyone. He even got that cookie pizza the website always tries to you bribe you into getting during checkout."

I let out a watery laugh. "Oh, well I'm excited then. He never lets me get that. I've been dying to know what it tastes like."

Jessica giggled. "I bet." Then, she added, "Remember the cookies Sylvia would make for everyone?"

"Yeah! It'd be a different one each time she made some." I reminicised with a smile. "Just to 'broaden our horizons,' she'd always say."

In my mind, I was transported to the old kitchen. Pastel yellow walls streaked with dirt and scratch marks, worn down appliances cramped into a small room near the back door. It wasn't the prettiest place in the orphanage, but boy, if Miss Sylvi was baking cookies, the kitchen was the place to be.

"Nobody wanted the oatmeal raisins because everyone said raisins look gross. But then she'd trick us into thinking it was chocolate, so we'd eat them. And then, some would actually say they liked it."

We laughed, then fell into an especially harder fit of laughter when Jessica shot me an exaggerated knowing look.

Yes, I may or may not have been one of the kids who fell for Miss Sylvi's trap. "Well, because of her, I actually really like oatmeal raisin cookies. They're top tier."

"Because of Sylvia, a lot of things happened."

We silently agreed to that. I could only imagine what Jessica must have been feeling. After all, she was left outside Miss Sylvi's doorstep as a small child before the orphanage even officially opened. She was the first one, at only four years old, and stayed there until she was eighteen. It reminded me of my dream. I told Jessica about it, specifically because of one particular part.

Her eyes prickled with tears. "Even Dream Sylvia wished for me to get adopted, huh? That's the sweetest."

Jessica really fought Sylvia on the belief that her parents would come back for her one day. She ruined her chances with interviewees because of it, then eventually became angrier the older she got because of it. By the time she let go of those feelings, she wasn't at a very desirable adoption age. She focused on photography and school during that time, not fussing over whether or not she would get adopted. The orphanage was her home – well, until she moved out at eighteen. I bet there was so much that Jessica and Miss Sylvi went through together. I could only imagine, since I met Jessica around when she was seventeen.

Miss Sylvi was the one to intersect all our worlds together.  I am where I am because of her. We all were. Jessica may have not gone to the school she did and met Reece. I wouldn't have met Jessica or Reece, meaning I wouldn't have met Chris. Most importantly, I wouldn't be with the best Papa in the world.

My heart panged at the thought of him. I voiced my worries out loud. "I'm so scared to lose him. I can't imagine what I'll do once he leaves me."

"That's an understandable fear. I think everyone has that fear about someone. But you can't let the fear of the future blind you and rob you of the enjoyment during your time in the present." She ran her hands across the sky theatrically, then giggled before wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "Your Papa loves you so much, Darce. That's all that should matter for now."