It's Not Cool | Jonas Brothers

Chapter 27

Frankie's P.O.V.
I'd wanted nothing more than to tag along with Nick to the doctors. But I couldn't do it. I don't want to go, knowing Nick doesn't want me there.

Being the youngest, with the immense age gap I have, it sometimes feels as if I'm not their sibling. They have all these memories I'm not involved with, seeing as I'm so young and wasn't born.

Do you know what that feels like? They always give me the reassurance I mean as much to them as what they all mean towards each other, but I don't think I will ever feel that.

It's stupid really, of course I'm as much Kevin's little brother as Joe is, or as much as Pippa is his little sister. I want to slam my head into the wall in the hope it will stick to me that I do matter, but it won't stick.

It's frustrating the ... out of me. Mom and dad are more worried for the others, while I'm still in middle school, not really caring that I'm doing well. Would they notice if I run off? Of course they will, they will realize how much they care if I'm gone, but by then it will be too late and they'll eat themselves up out of guilt.

I can't put them through that amount of pain.

I wish they'd show me more love. I wish they'd involve me more. I'm part of this family. I'm the one who kept his household running for months. I'm the one who kept Pippa alive. I'm the one who took Pippa away from bullies and made sure that the news got out about her being bullied. If I hadn't done that, she would still be in school getting bullied, or something worse would have happened.

Why can't they see that? I know I'm twelve and I know Kevin is 25. I know he's got twice the experience that I have. I know he cares for Joe, Nick and Pippa, but it feels like he doesn't care for me as much and I hate it, because I know he does, but he doesn't show it. It makes it hard to believe.

Joe, Kevin and Nick are special and important because they are talented and in a band making money. Pippa is the only girl in the family. What do I have? My age? Is my age what makes me special? That only lasted so long.

I've got nothing. Nothing to stand out with. I'll always be in the background of my brothers' fame and my sister.

I get up from the kitchen table and make my way towards the staircase. I walk up a few steps to see the pictures. Baby pictures of everyone, luckily including me.

A few steps higher are more family pictures where Joe, Kevin, Nick are little and Pippa still a baby. No family picture that includes me. Is that how much they care for me?

Another few steps higher are the pictures where we are all, I think, between the age of 8 and 18 most likely. Well, the others. I'm not there either. I see one family picture that does include me, but otherwise it's all pictures of the others.

Pippa making weird faces with Joe. Dad teaching Nick to ride a bike. Joe stuck up in a tree. Pippa's first day at school. Kevin, Joe and Nick on stage and one of them in an interview. Joe, Nick and Kevin on set of Camp Rock. Joe, Nick and Kevin on the couch, Pippa sprawled out across all their legs and smiling towards the camera.

The one picture that includes me was taken at a photoshoot. We are all in it, but so is the rest of the family who could be present, so it's not even about me.

"Frankie, can you please get out of the way?" Mom asks me while carrying a basket with laundry.

I walk downstairs and let her through. I thought she was going to do her own things but stops walking and turns to face me.

"Are you okay? You look sad." She says. I shrug and can't help but cry.

She immediately drops the basket and runs to my side. "What's wrong, Tank." Mom barely ever calls me Tank.

"Do you love me?" I look up to her. She's frozen as if she'd never expect me to ask such a question.

"Of course I love you honey." She takes me into her arms and leads me over to the couch to sit down with me.

She asks me why I would question them about their love for me, and I retrace my thoughts and tell her everything I felt when I looked at all the pictures in the staircase.

"Oh, Frankie.. Why didn't you tell us sooner? We don't love you any less for you not to be in the pictures more. We hung those up years and years ago. I'll never love you any less than your brothers and sister. Look at this." She takes her phone from her pocket and shows me her background. It's a picture of me and her. She's hugging me close and I faked that she was choking me.

I laugh through my tears. Why haven't I seen this picture before.

"I'm sorry for doubting you, mom. I love you. I just didn't feel as loved as them." My hiccups turn into sobs again and mom holds me, whispering how much she loves me and how she'll never leave me.

Dad enters the room and sees how upset I am. He sits in front of mom and I on the tea table.

Mom explains my thoughts to dad. I can't even explain myself. I feel so so stupid right now.

Dad also explains to me how much he loves me. He also explains how he gives me more space, seeing how grown up I am for my age. He apologized for not seeing it sooner and he tells me how proud he is of me and how proud he is of being my father.

I get out of my mom's grip and hug my dad.

"I'm so sorry dad." He takes the apology and starts apologizing himself. No one needs to apologize for anything. It's a misunderstanding. No one's at fault here. We should have talked about it sooner. I should have talked about this sooner.

I know I'm loved.

I will always be their baby, no matter how old I am.

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