Feed the Muse: Inner Monologues (Vol. I) [√]

[ of coincidences & bad timing ]

The universe is giving me yet again another one of those 'untimely' episodes. I think I was born with the term attached to my existence, with the never-ending cycle of wrong timing glued to my fingers. I hate the universe for giving and for taking away something as precious as you. I wish I could have known you longer than a month, perhaps even longer than that, so I could delve into these feelings and dissect my emotions like a science experiment. I like experiments, but I hate science, but for you I would try to reach a conclusion that, hopefully, does not end in a bittersweet chemical chain of regret. But I am guessing it is too late. I am too late, my realizations a ball of dust in your leaving, so I have nothing to say to you but "see you soon, Kim".

I do not know where to put the blame but on myself. I have such bad luck in the love department, and I promised myself I would not try again and focus all the energy into making me better because I had thought I was not ready for commitment, but then you came along and erased all my progress, like a virus deleting all the files on my computer with a clean sweep. I look at you and I drown in my 'what ifs', my 'maybes', and the feeling of 'something', but I could not, for the life of me, grasp the whole concept of what you mean to me, so I did what I do best, ignore all the feelings and bury myself into overthinking I do not deserve you and the goodness you carry within your heart. You are out of my league, you are a star I was trying to name, near yet in reality, was very far away from my reach.

And so, I wish you nothing but the best wherever your feet lands, nothing but a happier version of you, and nothing but happiness in your lifetime. Maybe someday, in 20 years, or in 30, 40, or even in the next lifetime, we will meet again, and by then, hopefully, it is not going to be one of my untimely casualties, but something great, a beginning, a gift from the universe, a blessing, because you deserve nothing but the world.

Safe travels, safe skies. See you when I see you.