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So we continued going to this doctor until he told us to go to a Rheumatologist. This is a arthritis related or joint related doctor. More detailed in the study.

So I was pretty frustrated because they couldn't find anything. We went to this doctor and he said to me we will do tests so he did a DNA test and stuff. Blood-work. He then related to us that is it related to lack of exercise which didn't make any logical sense to me and you'll understand why later. So basically, I've been exercising a lot lately. Me and my bro went to the shop and we did a lot of riding bikes. So I just couldn't believe it was my fault that this pain is here.

We were scheduled to come back but it never happened since half the doctors I went to were constantly disappearing to vacation. Oh I forgot to mention that we had to go to a completely different hospital than the orthopedic so we could find a rheumatologist. So we went to another rheumatologist because I was basically fed up well I still am.

He then mentioned that I'm super hypermobile. On the Beighton score I got a 8/9. The only reason why I missed one score is because my knee hurt so much that I couldn't put it straight. Even the doc was startled by the pain I felt when he pushed it down. I was startled too. Basically hypermobility can be a good thing but for dancers and stuff. For me though it was curse because it had started to cause pain. He never told me what exactly I have and I hate him for that.

He signed me up for phsio thinking it'd make me better. It didn't! By the last phsio session I completely gave up and left. It was useless because she was doing everything that brought pain. It did give me muscles but it didn't take away the pain. Now it's a lot worse. I just know from the bottom of my heart that it is something. I know it's not nothing. Here's why. Recently my joints have started to pain, all of them (hips, elbows, ankles, knees and wrists). It's ridiculous.

Exercise is nearly impossible. I was just walking one day with my dad in the shop. My knee buckled and I nearly fell. I have subluxations sometimes but only in my upper leg region that connects my leg to my upper body and in my shoulders. Which is extremely painful. I can't bend at all now. A bend is a tragedy now.

I have pain everywhere it takes turns sometimes, other times it's just one, other times it's a few. I honestly don't know. Just yesterday I was trying to do a simple task but this has been happening for a while. When I cook, clean, carry something heavy or wash dishes, my back goes into an unbearable pain and I don't know why, I just have to lay to appease it. Though after the pain and sleeping, my back seems sensitive today. Today, is elbow, shoulder and knee day. My wrist is clicking but what can I do.

I'm not coping actually. I've never felt so depressed or lost, I just need to know so that I can be at peace knowing what it is. When I'm going to South Africa in August that's when I'm going to the doc again. Let's hope I get a diagnosis and not a year of waiting again. I don't like lies. I believe that if I'm going to die like if I have stage-four cancer just tell me I'm gonna die. I can't even walk in the mall for a few hrs. 2 hours is too much!

I don't like the stress of not knowing. My life is all a mess. I don't know who's going to accept someone like me into a job and how I'm going to survive school. It's torture of school. I don't know honestly. I feel lost. I've never felt so hopeless. I guess everything clicked yesterday when I couldn't even wash a few dishes. It wasn't even that many. It was like 10 or 12. You know or less even. I just feel totally and utterly useless. Writing my fictions, poems and this, they're my only let outs.

Thanks for reading! I'll tell you my journey day by day. Sorta!