Kabanata 46
The meeting was done quickly. I thought what Andrea told me was just ephemeral but I was wrong. The idea of it kept on riling on my head that it made me piqued. The idea of feigning an okay facade was futile because all I could think was on how I bellow my wrath to Antoine! What was the reason why he was making his advances on me? I had no one in my life— I had no one to be my buttress when I was in pain. Although, I knew that I had to blame myself on this growing predicament in my life again. There was no one told me to let Antoine be in my life again— it was solely decided by myself and not had been influenced by anyone. This was what I wanted and now that my little bubble of illusions were about to explode, the walls around my heart slowly splintered.
The meeting was done with a brief explanation about the scope of the project and how it will start. I couldn't understand some of their topics but I had to jot it on the notebook. During the meeting, I couldn't help but to be dazzled with that woman in front of me. She had the perfect curves. Her body was voluptuous and toned— making her like a VS Angels. Her dyed-hair was emphasizing vulgarity and wanton. This was probably the body Antoine wanted for himself. He will never be satisfied with my almost paper white skin and petite anatomy. With his calibre and air, I knew he wanted more— he wanted a woman who can do the work to give him the satisfaction and contentment.
Thinking about what happened to us yesterday made me flush. I wasn't that good in bed, I didn't know if I had satisfied Antoine. Antoine had this impressive knack to please woman. However, I felt like I had done something wrong. I didn't make any move to pleasure him. I knew that I couldn't do those things so I tried to toss it out of my head. If he weren't satisfied with my novice actions in bed, then he should stop seeing me. Kasi ako mismo ay hindi siya gusto sa buhay ko!
Antoine texted me when we were already in the car asking me if the meeting was done but I just ignored his message and the grudge I was holding for him skyrocketed. Mr. Villareal neither opened any topic nor made an explanation for his friend. Nor did he talk about Antoine. I knew that he sensed that I wasn't okay but thankfully, he opted to stay silent. The new sprouted anger was stemmed from the news I had heard awhile and I didn't think I can talk with that Antoine this time. I might shoot him the words I had tried to suppress.
The white heat on my heart was still there. I had no idea on how to remove it or to subside it. All I was thinking was about Antoine— his pathetic sexy smirk, his falsity words, and his seductive chuckle. I wanted to whack myself that even I was mad at him, I could still appreciate how perfect he was— no, he wasn't perfect, he was flawed yet I was still in love with him. Hindi ko ba alam kung bakit ganito nalang ako. I knew that letting him in on my life was an invite to a fiasco. I didn't want to be wrecked again; I couldn't afford another set of pain and suffering.
When we finally arrived at the base of the building, the car came to a halt one Mr. Villareal found a parking slot. I unfastened my seatbelt and opened the door for me to step out. The air in the basement wasn't that pleasing. The humidity reached its peak as the thick touch of it crawled throughout my body. I stood straight and when Mr. Villareal started to walk, I awkwardly followed his steps. I wondered if he had texted Antoine about his meeting with Andrea. Bakit naman niya gagawin iyon?
The office hadn't had any bustling employees. Even Ms. Judelyn wasn't in her office when we passed over it. I looked at my wristwatch and saw that it was already four in the afternoon. Wala naman ng appointment si Mr. Villareal so I concluded that he'll get home early. At sana kahit na magkaibigan sila ni Antoine ay h'wag na niya sanang sabihin na uuwi na kami. Right now, seeing Antoine was the least thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to talk to someone when my mind was clouded with wrath out of betrayal. I might have spitted information that I will regret once my wrath subsided.
