Kabanata 45
After I read the message of Antoine, I plunged my phone on my bed and made a beeline to the bathroom. A foam of euphoria perched on my chest as I stripped off and after that, I stepped in on the tiled floor as I grabbed the dipper to scoop an enough amount of water and after which, I spluttered in on my body. A tendril of mist rose whilst I was busy washing myself. I couldn't help but to think about Antoine and his words and how I suddenly forgot about my decision. Antoine was so good that I had to recollect myself before getting back the grudge for him. I knew that it wasn't his fault— he wasn't the one who I needed to blame. Through my impulsive actions, I was drawn to where I was right now.
Funny it sounded but a part of me wanted to hate Antoine. That time, I knew that my decision was unyielding and firm but when I found out that I was pregnant with his child, I wanted him to get me back by crook or by hook. I knew that it was perplexing but I couldn't determine what I really wanted that time. I was placed in amid of everything. Yes, I had the volition to opt— however; I wanted to fight for Antoine that time. I shrugged the toxic thought that was looming inside me. There was no reason to dwell on the past because it was already done.
The lesson I learned from this life time and from the debacle I had been through was that: don't let darkness of the past consume you. Instead of making it as your hindrance, turn your pain to your inspiration, your tears to motivation and darkness to a ladder to success. Maybe it was too late to realize it because I was still here crawling out my miseries. If only I had realized this from the very beginning, I would have not dwelt on my own void of darkness.
After I took a bath, I wore a black spaghetti strapped top and white pajamas. As I lie on my bed, I immediately drowned in my one ocean of thoughts. What would have happened if I continued my plan on telling him about our child before? What if I did not marry Ronan? There were lots of what ifs that were nudging me. Kung sana ay nagtiwala ako sa kaniya. If I only had trusted him, hindi na sana mangyayari ito at siguro... siguro ay buhay pa ang anak ko.
The tick of the clock was so slow. As exhaustion wore me on, I let my body rest. The day after that, I was awake because of the searing shaft of the sun that was hitting my face. The amber shaft was so soft yet painful and a disturbance to my slumber. Glimpsing at my clock, I found out that it was already five thirty in the morning. The wall of urge to make my movement accelerate rolled within me. Akala ko ba ay aagahan mo ang pag-alis para hindi ka maabutan ni Antoine, Hera?
Someone barged in. I almost screamed but when I saw Aliyah, I regained my composure. Ni hindi ko na napansin na wala pala si Aliyah kanina sa kaniyang kwarto. She was amused when she saw my cursory movements. She glimpsed at me as I leapt out of my bed and galloped to the bathroom to do a quick bath. I had no idea whether Antoine was already waiting for me outside the building. I wanted to ask Aliyah if she had seen an expensive car parked outside but I didn't want to toss answers when her curiosity will be awakened. Besides, I was thankful that she did not ask about the day before.
When I emerged from the bathroom, I grabbed a black turtle neck and long sleeved top dress and a pair of stilettoes. I let my hair cascade in its natural curl and dabbed a perfume on my neck after I brushed my face with compact powder and a red lipstick. Through the mirror in front of me, I saw Aliyah looking at me as though she was looking for something. I just ignored her and resumed to what I was doing. I surreptitiously glanced on the clock and saw that it was already six thirty. I swore under my breath and decided to exert more effort to make my movements faster.
When I said my good bye to Aliyah, I immediately emerged from my room and sauntered my way out of the building. But when I saw a man languidly reclining on the hood of his car made me halt. Antoine was there, wearing black t-shirt and khaki shorts. With the simple attire, his aura was still spitting power and high calibre. Kumalabog ng malakas ang aking puso ng makita ko ang porselas na gawa ko sa kaniyang pupulsuhan. My eyes travelled down to his body and I couldn't help but to lose in my own worldly fantasies over him. His broad shoulder tapered down to his muscular hips to his long and strong legs made me ponder of the things he could do. I knew what capability he had in bed but I couldn't restrain myself to think if there was still something... something that could make me want to rest whole day because of exhaustion and soreness.
