Outer space | klance au |

43: circles

He supposed he was used to the phone ringing in his ear. Lance wasn't even sure how many times he called Keith at this point and he wasn't even sure why he was trying again, but he was. Romelle was sleeping in his room so he was sitting out in the hall. He just wanted to try one more time, he wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't dial the number that he now knew by heart. Phone gripped so tightly that his hand was sore and he was waiting for the familiar automated voice to stop the jarring ringing. Instead, he was greeted with silence. The phone had stopped ringing and Keith had finally picked up.

Lance felt his heart stop. His mouth suddenly went dry and he forgot all that he wanted to say. It was just his luck that the person he wanted to speak to most had finally answered and he lost all his words. It didn't matter though, Keith immediately began speaking.

"I'm sorry about avoiding your calls," Keith sighed out. "I needed some time away from you and this conversation." Lance bit his lip. He wasn't sure why Keith's words hurt him but they did. Lance understood that this conservation was going to be difficult but he wanted to talk about what had happened between them and what was going to change.

"Okay," Lance breathed out. "Do you not want to be friends anymore?" He wasn't sure if he wanted to know or if he was better off not knowing. The thought that one simple kiss could end something so special seemed to rip apart his insides. Lance felt like he couldn't breathe.

"What? No," Keith sighed. "I want to stay friends with you but I just... I just want... I want more. I want to be more than friends with you. I don't regret kissing you. I don't think I could ever regret that but I can't go back to how we were." Lance sucked in a breath as Keith laughed. "You don't know how good this feels finally getting it off my chest." He sounded happy and breathless and nervous all at once. It made Lance smile a little too. "I can't go back to just being friends because all I can think about is kissing you again and again and again." Lance closed his eyes, hanging onto every word that Keith would give him. It was finally quiet on the other side of the line and the doctor to be realized that Keith was waiting for him.

"I don't want to lose you," Lance heard himself say after a moment. "I don't think I can ever go back to being without you. Please don't leave me, Keith, please."

Keith sighed out shakily like Lance's words had actually hurt him. "You can't say things like that to me," there was a pause as Keith seemed to gather his thoughts, "It makes me think you see me the way I see you." Another breath. "It hurts. It hurts so much. You have no idea how much this hurts me," he explained, "And the worst part is, I don't even think you realize you're doing it." Lance brought his knees to his chest and felt something so close to physical pain that he almost cried out. Keith seemed to be feeling whatever this was because his voice sounded tight, "I can't do this with you. I just need some time. I need you to... I don't even know. I can't even think when it comes to you," Keith laughed but it sounded so broken that Lance winced.

"I wanted to kiss you back," Lance whispered. His heart was beating out of his chest and his palms were sweaty. Something close to relief bloomed in his chest as the words escaped him. The silence that followed his statement made that garden that grew in him shrivel and die. Keith didn't say anything and for a moment Lance wasn't sure if he heard him. "I wanted to kiss you back," he repeated, firmer this time. He needed the other male to understand.

Keith groaned quietly on the other side of the phone. "You have no idea what you do to me," he said with a quiet sigh. "I'm not leaving you. I could never leave you so you don't have to say that just so I–"

"I wanted to kiss you, Keith." Saying those words was easier than breathing. It felt almost natural for Lance like somehow they had formed on his tongue so long ago and he just forgot to say them. "I still want to kiss you actually," Lance tried to laugh but the sound that left his chapped lips was unrecognizable.