Losing Control - Sanders Sides

Part 9 - Virgil

I opened my eyes slowly and was greeted with my ceiling. The room was spinning slightly and my body was stiff. My head felt heavy like it was full of stuff. I slowly started to push myself up and leaned against my dresser when I got to my feet. 

I looked around my room which was still dark and gloomy. The purple paint on the walls seemed lighter than I remember but I let it slide. Despite Deceit draining a little amount of my aura and power, I felt fine. I was just slightly weaker and had a headache. I pushed off against my dresser, walking over to my bed and took a seat on my bed. I grabbed my laptop from my nightstand and started to log into my Netflix. A movie could cheer me up, right?

As I was searching for a movie to calm my mind, I started hearing voices. They were telling me things. Things I haven't thought in a long time. You mean nothing to the other sides. You're useless to them. You just make things worse. They were like little whispers, just barely loud enough to hear. It was driving me crazy. 

I covered my ears, hoping that would help, but it didn't. The voices were in my head, not outside my head. I began to think about what I did in the past to stop the thoughts that pushed me towards insanity. 

Something came to mind. 

I sighed, removing my laptop from my lap and walking to the bathroom. How long has it been? Long enough I guess. Opening the medicine cabinet, I saw a razor blade that was tinted red at the blade portion. The blade was sparkling, like a welcoming old friend. 

I grabbed it shakily and rolled up my sleeve. I looked at the arm that was littered in rusty-colored scars. I sighed, tracing over the first old scar. No going back now. I continued to trace them. It was like a coloring sheet kids do expect worse. When I was done, there was a small red puddle on the bathroom floor. I cleaned quickly before any major staining could occur.

I didn't bother to bandage the tracing I had done, just leaving it to scar. I cleaned off the blade and heard a knock at my door. I quickly set the blade back in the medicine cabinet and shut the bathroom door. 

Rolling my sleeve back down and pulling up my hood, I answered the door. I was greeted by Roman. Wait, what? He never comes to my room. "Hey Roman" I simply said, not wanting to seem different. I couldn't identify his facial expression. It was definitely a mix of multiple thoughts and concerns. Something I was all too familiar with.

"Uh, Thomas wants to talk with you..." Roman said. That's not good. Whenever Thomas wants to talk to me, I probably did something wrong. I nodded to Roman and sunk down. 

When I rose up into Thomas' living room, it was just him and I. He looked happy to see me, which was new. "Hey there, Virgil" Thomas spoke at last. I waved slightly and watched as he continued. "So, this is probably gonna sound weird but, are there two anxieties?" I raised my eyebrows to that question.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm feeling like I have two different anxieties fighting in my brain. One is the usual; the worries about videos and the small fears like trying to remember whether or not I locked the door when I left my house..." I nodded. 

That's usually all I do. I don't want to make it any worse seeing as in the past, that hasn't worked out so well for Thomas or for me. "The other anxiety is like, insulting me and putting me down. Telling me I'm not good enough or that I'm a failure." I gave Thomas a shocked look and he reacted accordingly. "Is something wrong?" I didn't want to worry him although I'm sure I had already done that. 

"N-No, it's alright. P-Probably just some rogue side deep in the mind palace. I'll sort 'em out, thanks for letting me know, bye Thomas!" I said as quickly as possible and sunk out even faster. I rose up in the mind palace living room with Patton, Logan, and Roman looking at me. I blushed, "What?"