One Week Older: Turning Pages

The Traits You Instilled

"It's not much, but how are you feeling Sunshine?" I looked around my surroundings, taking everything in. There were pictures of the entire family and memorabilia from our house that I hadn't realized were ever missing.

"It's nice," I sincerely said.

"How are you feeling in general?" I sat down on his brown, plush couch and tried to make myself as comfortable as possible.

"I've been better. It feels like everyone hates me," he sat down beside me.

"You have so many people that love and care for you. I'm one of the people who love you the most," he pulled me into his side and I gladly accepted his warmth. As despairing as it was to admit, I had always been a daddy's girl and I wanted him back so severely.

"Dad, what... what did you do?" He looked down at me as his breath shuttered in dismay.

It was apparent that he didn't want to discuss this with me, but he crowed, "Your mother and I were together for so many years. We've been married for twenty years and over time the love disappeared and came back. We-" he paused like he was a hand puppet and the master shut his mouth.

"I'm not a bad person or father and I want to continue being in your life, whether the two of us are together or not." I wanted to believe him, but a part of me wouldn't let that happen.

More words were in my heart but all I said was, "I know that you want Dennis and me, but you can't take us from mom. She loves us too."

"Why do you think I want that?" He kept his tone calm but it felt strange.

"Mom had a meeting with her lawyer yesterday and said that you want the house and primary custody," I elaborated.

"Look at where I live, Daya. And I'm being ordered to give her money to take care of you two and the house. It would be easier if you lived with me and I knew where my money was going," he explained in an attempt to clarify his request.

"She's paying bills and taking care of us with that money. Mom's been a wreck. She's trying to get back into nursing, but it's hard to find a job after not working for so long. She's not being wasteful with any of the money that you give us," I sputtered.

"How could you even imply that she would do otherwise?" Looking at him wasn't even an option as I tried to keep from lashing out.

He took a second of thought before saying, "Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to take it that way. You said that you had questions to ask me."

It took all I had, but I searched his eyes and saw a sorrow that looked similar to my mothers. "What happened that night, the night you completely crushed me and left?"

He patted my leg and looked off into the void. "It was a ruinous storm. Your mother was out that night, I don't know if you remember. But I was running late at the dealership and I got home before she did. And to make it worse, she never told me where she was. It was so frustrating because I was struggling to advance in my career and make money to support our family and where was she? I was either working or taking care of you kids and I felt neglected, I guess. When she finally got home, I had all these scenarios in my head and I stupidly accused her of cheating."

He shook his head and stopped for a few seconds. "She was tired and tried to walk pass me to our room. Before she could I grabbed her wrist an applied too much pressure. She had slight bruising like a rope was tied too tight around her." I pushed myself away from him.

"How could you?" He opened his mouth to say something. "If you loved her so much how could you hurt her that way?"

"I didn't mean for her to get hurt. I was upset and stressed and-" I shook my head to symbolize that that was not adequate.