All that Matters (Absinthe Series 3)

Simula

S i m u l a

It was just one bit of a miracle that I imagined myself stepping on a spotlight and all eyes were on me.  It was not because of humiliation but rather, it was admiration. The flashes of lights, the awes in the eyes of people and thousands of applauses just made me feel overwhelmed and something more.

Flash and floods of questions were coming. Sa bawat ngiti ay hindi ko maiwasang kabahan habang nakatitig sa bawat taong nanunuod. One of them could be talking behind my back or maybe envious of me. I don’t know. Lahat ng tao ay may suot na maskara. Mapanlinlang, mabait, naghihinagpis o nagpapakatotoo. One couldn’t distinguish which is which.

I straightened my back as another reporter came to me. Ang aking maluwang na pagngiti ay binawi ko sa aking mukha. “ Miss Balmori, what are your plans now that you're back in the country?"

Ngumiti ako. My teeth flashing as I endured the heavy eyes of people on my face. " As of now, I have many conferences to attend to. Hindi pa naman firm ang aking schedule but I think I'll be back in New York after a month to fulfill my duties."

Tumango ang nagtanong sa akin at napalitan ng bagong reporter. She was wearing a black rimmed glasses and had a mole just beside her lips.

" Miss Balmori, what can you say about people's allegations about your past? Are all of them true?"

That made my heart stopped for a second. Alam ko namang may mga tanong talagang lalabas na hindi ko inaasahan. Some were interested of my tactics in winning and some were just eager to know my past and they start digging it.

I was aware that after winning the crown, most of the hidden information about me emerged on the surface. Nagawan ng paraan ang iba pero hindi pa rin nakalusot ang iilan doon. Masasabi kong hindi naman malaking eskandalo ang nasangkutan ko noon pero ang tao ay tao. I cannot change their opinions by just my words. Hindi ko rin mababago ang pananaw nila sa akin kahit na sabihin ko ang totoo. Matatanggap ko naman iyon. I was young back then. Carefree and reckless. Ngunit sa kabila nang mga nangyari noon, hindi naman nila alam ang totoo kung nararamdaman kaya naiintindihan ko rin.

" I'd like to say I want to keep my privacy. Even though I was grateful of how the pageant went, I am still disappointed that people tried to drag their fellow countrymen down. Ang masasabi ko ay sana hindi na maungkat pa ang ibang bagay. That's why I kept it because it's a part of my past. Hindi lahat ng nasa aking nakaraan ay maganda kaya mas mabuti pang hayaan niyo na lamang iyon." ngumiti ako. Oh gosh, my words sounded un-Miss Universe-like. Tama ba ang sinabi ko? or Did I offend anyone? Mahirap na baka may umalsa na namang isyu.

I excused myself as I entered the building. My manager slash friend was waiting for me. Ngumiwi siya sa akin bago niya ako inalalayan habang naglalakad. The securities blocked the reporters from coming inside. I doubt the people in the building would like it if marami na ang nakatupok sa labas at nagkakagulo.

After bagging the crown, the Miss Universe production made me stay in the New York headquarters. Medyo nakakapagod pero masaya naman ako dahil sa natamo ko. I went back to the country for my homecoming at gaya nga ng sabi ko kanina ay babalik ulit ako sa New York para gampanan ang aking tungkulin. Kauuwi ko lang ng bansa tatlong araw lang ang nakalilipas, at heto ako, kinukuyog ng mga reporter tungkol sa aking nakaraan. I admit, my past is not that  memorable. May mga bagay na gusto ko na lamang kalimutan kasi masakit ng balikan. I have forgiven myself but my heart won't forget everything.

Being in New York was a mistake or maybe winning this thing was a mistake. Pero hindi ko naman masisisi ang tadhana. It happened so suddenly and I somehow kind of love the moment even though I felt like a loser and a wreck.