Close Your Eyes: Book Four

Chapter Fourteen

He looks concerned, and he reaches up and brushes a tear off my cheek.

Startled, I reach up to feel my cheeks. They're both soaked.

There's a long bout of silence where he just studies me, and then he gives me a soft smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I take a deep breath and then blow it out. "Aiden's coming tomorrow," I whisper.

His eyebrows raise slightly and then he nods slowly.

"Your Dad told me." He says, confusion on his face. "I didn't think it was going to be an issue. We saw him every now and again when we were in college."

"Exactly." I say to him.

He looks really confused so I elaborate further.

"Do you remember Hoaloha?"

His eyebrows furrow for a moment.

"Uh, what, that crab we found when we were like five?"

"We were eight, but yes," I nod.

"I remember him." he says.

"Mau loa aku," I whisper to him.

"Forever." He whispers. His eyes study mine for a long time, and then he sighs. "Sweetheart...so much has happened since then. We were only three years older than Theo. We didn't know what was coming."

"I know, and I get that, but we said forever."

"But we were kids." He looks genuinely confused.

"I understand," I whisper.

"I'm sorry Savvy, I'm confused," he murmurs. He kisses my wedding ring and then rubs his thumb on the back of my hand.

"When we were ten and our teachers and family would ask what we wanted to be when we grew up, do you know what I said?" he shakes his head. "I told them I wanted to be a Mom. Back then, my-my dream was to have some house on the water in Miliani or Waikiki or Honolulu and I would teach them how to build a really awesome moat in the sand and I would teach them about the island and the way the tide works! I-I wanted to wake up early in the morning and go swimming in the ocean and then surf in my free time. I wanted to teach my kids how to surf. I wanted hot summers and chilly winters, but then I got kidnapped and everything just...stopped. It's like I forgot who I was. Or maybe I didn't, I don't know."

He's listening intently, holding his hands in mine. I shut my eyes.

"I wanted to go to the international marketplace and let the kids pick out one thing. That was one of my favorite places as a kid. Don't you remember?"

"I remember." He whispers.

"I haven't been there in...in god Liam, I think it's been twenty one years." I whisper. "That used to be one of my most favorite places in the whole world. I spent six years of my life wishing to go to the beach and to see my family, my best friends one more time, to see the ocean, to go to International Marketplace just...just one more time, but instead, I spent all of my time there blaming Aiden for everything when it was not his fault! That kidnapping was going to happen either way. If not that day, it would have happened any other day. I got back to Hawaii after my kidnapping and spent every second I had there hating everything I longed to have for years. I would have given anything to have one more day with my best friends, one more shopping trip at International Plaza, and I could have had it. I would have had it. I had it, I had all of it, but I just...threw it all away because I needed something to hate, but the reality is that I was just as likely to get kidnapped at my childhood home as our kids are here, in one of the safest neighborhoods in the area. What Aiden did was something any harmless child could do, and I brought him down. I let him hate himself because I was hurting and needed somebody to lash out at. I could have just moved out of my parents house so I didn't have to relive the moment I was taken. I know you hated it there, but...but I think not moving back after college is one of my biggest regrets."

We both sit there for a long time in complete silent. Eventually he releases my hands and sits down in the grass.

"So you want to move back to Hawaii?" he whispers.

I look up at the sky.

"I think so."

Our eyes lock and I can't read the emotion on his face. I open my mouth to tell him that we don't have to, that his feelings are important, too, but before I can, the sliding glass door opens and Lindsay sticks her head out.

"Sorry to interrupt, uh, but Eloise is crying and she won't stop." She says, her eyes flickering between the two of us.

"I'll get her." Liam stands up abruptly and walks into the house, leaving me sitting on the swing.

Lindsay stands there for a moment, and then I clear my throat, compose myself, and follow Liam into the house. Curious eyes follow me as I get a glass of water from the kitchen.

I take a couple of sips and then set the glass on the counter.

When I look up, Liam is holding Eloise and she's calming down, but Liam is being careful to not look at me, and our family is looking between the two of us.

I don't bother looking in the mirror because I already know I look like I was crying.

Mom clears her throat.

"So you guys are coming tomorrow, right?" she asks.

"Yes." Liam says.

"Okay. Well we're meeting at the park at eleven. Shelter five."

"Alright."

Mom looks at me for a moment, and then back at Liam.

"Well we're going to go." She announces.

"Yeah, us too," Sofie stands up.

"I'll walk you guys out." Liam heads for the living room.

"Bye Savannah," Sofie says.

"Bye." I reply.

Her eyes dart to Liam and then she looks at me and mouths, "you okay?"

I nod my head and stand there as they all leave.

_______

I'm going to see the Jonas Brothers in August and I'm so excited

~Sam