Behind Curtains (ONGOING)

Kabanata 17

Kabanata 17

Million

"I'm... sorry," sabi ko sa maliit na boses nang nakarating na kami sa suite.

Sir Killian did not say anything. He merely looked away, pulled his tie roughly, and completely ignored me as he made his way to the bedroom. I sighed to myself at hindi na sumunod sa kanya. My head was already throbbing so bad that it was painful enough to mull over the weight of today's happenings.

I wanted to take a shower to ease the discomfort, but I can already hear Sir Killian occupying the bathroom, kaya pinagkasya ko nalang ang sarili sa sink noong mini-kitchen.

Naghugas lang muna ako ng mukha at nagsepilyo. I then took my coat off, and almost floatingly slumped on the couch, pilit pinapatay sa isipan ang mga nakita, ginawa't sinabi, para lang tumigil sa pagpipintig 'yong ulo.

This wasn't a new feeling. It's because today came off more stressful than expected, kaya ganito.

I was dry-heaving, my hands were clammy, and my thighs were sweating like hell.

No matter how short the span of that situation, I was such in bad shape and was caught so unprepared. That even at the littlest of aggravation, my mind's already ruffling around as if it's the most high-pressured moment I've ever been on.

This was stress. That meeting was stressful. I hit my face softly on the throw pillow, hoping that would completely stop my brain from thinking, no matter how impossible that should be.

Like all bad habits, lying, pretending, making things up—deceiving people—had, over time, became second nature to me. I have been so well-practiced at the art of creating façades, to curate a makeshift life I wanted people to see me live in, that I can easily lie about myself without batting an eye.

Like second nature, it was easy to provide people with illusions of my own delusions, just so I could project a subtly impressive public image. Just so I could protect, from any judgement, the way of life that I chose to live in.

And since the people I tell my lies to were audiences and channels of any life they heard about, they will always matter.

The more the person was closely acquainted with my circle of relations, the bigger the lies I'd spout. The higher they'd take note of my parents' parenting. The heavier the guilt I would feel.

Lying was alright, I believe. Everybody lies. Ang problema lang naman ay kung may sinisiraan ka nang ibang tao, may nasasaktan ka na, at kung may mamamatay sa mga kasinungalingang 'yon. Ang problema rin... ay 'yong nabubuking ka na nga sa panloloko mo, may plano ka pa rin na panagutan lahat ng kasinungalingang 'yon.

Universally... and morally, though, all categories of lying was wrong.

At ang sabi ko pa naman sa sarili ko ay mamumuhay na ako ng marangal matapos 'kong matanggap sa trabahong 'to... but what have I done? Naka-kita lang ako ng maaaring maka-ungkat ng isa sa mga dirty laundry nina Dad, biglang balik ako sa dati.

Okay, Layla, chill, I consoled myself. Magpasalamat ka nalang at nailusot mo ang pag-aayos sa araw na 'to. It would've been a more depressing afternoon, if you were caught wearing your actual maid uniform... but you didn't! And the day's over! Celebrate!

Hindi ko na napansing naka-tulog pala ako until I woke up hungry, alone at nasa kama na.

The room was cold and all lights were turned off maliban sa ilaw ng bathroom. Kailangan ko pang bumaba ng kama at palihim na i-check 'yong phone ko para makita ang oras, at para malaman na rin kung may mapupuntahan pa ba akong makakainan.