Lost Innocence

Chapter Twenty One

(End of Flashback) 

Damn. The look of her face. I hated causing people pain especially the people I cared most about. I wondered if Christine had read my letter, I hope she did and hoped she understood that this was necessary but that I love her so much. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her. I had finally finished eating and got in the shower and then got dressed. I wore black jeans with a dark blue tank top and leather jacket. I brushed my hair and teeth and then looked in the mirror. I fluffed my bangs and then grabbed my phone and wallet. It was time. I turned off the TV and walked out the door. Here we fucking go again. 

POV Ryan

The past couple of days spending time with Sunshine had been quite enjoyable. I was honored to be her first friend and showing her the rush and hustle of my New York. One morning I got an unnerving phone call. 
"You've got Ryan." 
"Hello Mr. Rodriguez, this is Saint Joseph's Hospital in Nevada, we're calling because we were looking through a file of one of our recently admitted patients and it says you are her son."
"You must have the wrong number, my mother died when I was a year old."
"Are you Mr. Ryan Rodriguez?" 
"Yes." 
"We have the right number." 
"I'm still not sure, my mom is dead."
"Is your birthday January fifteenth?" 
"Yeah." 
"This is definitely the right number. Your mother has been hospitalized after a riot in Nevada State Prison, if you'd like to come see her this is where she is. Room two hundred eleven." 
I hung up and looked at the phone in confused. What. The. Actual. Fuck. 

Two hours after the phone call I met with Sunshine in her apartment. I dropped the bomb on her because she was the only person I trusted. I was in a band with good friends of mine but I only wanted to tell Sunshine. I felt like I could trust her. I trusted my band mates but I wanted to tell only one person, at least until I figured out exactly what the fuck was going on. 
"Should I go?" 
"I'd say yes, it's your mom and if she doesn't make you might regret it." 
"You're right, I guess I'll leave tomorrow." 
"You can call me if you need me." 
"Thanks Sunshine." I said kissing her cheek and walking home. 

The next morning I called my band mates and told them I had to go out of town for a couple of days. The flight was long and boring. It dragged on for me. I eventually made it to the hotel and didn't waste any time. I immediately headed to the hospital and tried to process everything that was about to happen. The only thing I had of my parents was a photo of them. I had features from both of them but how could my mother be alive, I thought she was dead. The photo was taken when my mom was pregnant with me. I got to the hospital and looked for the room she was in and there she was. It was a woman hooked up to a bunch of machines. Fuck. This hit me harder than I expected it to. This is my...my mother. I walked closer until I was right by her bedside. She was asleep. My mind couldn't process this. 
"This is wild...your my mother. I'm your son..." I said quietly. 
The woman began to open her eyes. I didn't have time to step back. She knew who I was.
"Ryan, my sweet boy." 
"I...I..." My mind couldn't process what to say. I was speechless for the first time in my life. I didn't have a happy childhood. I was living with my father's asshole of a brother. The fucker was an abusive asshole. I ran away at age 16 which is when I met one of my bandmates who let me crash with him for a couple of years. I lived in my own apartment now but it was difficult for me at times. 
"You're my mom? But how? I grew up thinking you were dead." I said as I looked at her. 
The woman stayed quiet as she looked down at her fingers.
"Tell me!" I shouted when she wouldn't speak to me. 
"I feel like I'm doing this all over again. I raised you until you were a year old but I couldn't do it because your father left me and I didn't have the strength to raise a child by myself and looking at you reminded me of him too much. I couldn't keep you or your little brother?" 
"Wait. What the fuck did you just say? I have a little brother and I'm just finding out about this." 
"He went to live with my brother and you were sent to your father's brother." 
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" 
"I would have tried to raise you both if I could have but even with two jobs I still wasn't make enough money to support myself and two children." 
"If you really wanted to be a part of my life you would have visited me in that hell hole. It's worth mentioning my father's brother was a fucking asshole." 
"I'm so sorry, I've told Joe, your brother how sorry I am but he...I don't think he'll ever forgive me just like you probably won't." 
"At least you're right about one thing." 
"I would have done things differently if I could go back in time." 
"Is my father also dead or was I lied to about that too?"
"He's alive but I haven't seen him in a few years, he came back into my life about seven years ago but disappeared again."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" 
"I am so sorry." 
"Don't fucking touch me, Rachel." I said. That was my mother's real name. There was no fucking way I was ever going to call her mom. 
Before she replied, I walked out of the room and into the waiting room. I left the hospital without looking back. I never wanted to see her again. I fucking hated her. I didn't even care that she was my mother. I arrived back into my hotel room and burst into tears. There were still questions that I needed answers to and I was going to get them, but it meant having to see her again which I didn't want to but knew I had to. I picked up my guitar and took my mind off of everything by playing one of the songs I had written for my band recently. Something told me it'd be a while before I would reunite with them. It was a strong feeling. 

POV Mary

I found myself back at Serpent Cove serving as a replacement for The Runaways. Turns out the bassist needed to go out of town for a couple of weeks and I would be filling in until he got back. This venue was far from desirable but the pay was good and it was putting me on the map. Being a solo act was beginning to become quite difficult. I had a set of pipes on me but the only instrument I could play was guitar. It would be pretty cool to find someone out there who play piano or even drums to share the stage with me. I arrived at the venue a couple hours before performing and ordered a beer. I sat at the bar while drinking my beer and thought about the dream I've given up on. Broadway. I've dreamed of being on Broadway ever since I was a child but I never had the guts to go out there and give it a shot. Who was I kidding? There are so many other girls and guys that have more talent than me. I was a nobody. A small town girl like me would never make it in a big city like that. I tried to forget about the depressing thoughts and walked back over to the backstage area. I walked into the tiny dressing room and sat down on it's couch. I needed to be alone for a while and start warming up. I did some vocal warmups as I looked at myself in the mirror. Once I finished warming up I moved on to hair. I brushed it and then pulled it up into a high ponytail. There was a knock at my door and I went to open it. I was surprised to see Zach with another young looking guy. I hugged Zach. I was very happy to see him. Zach hugged me back and smiled at me. I didn't know why I hugged him but it just happened. 
"Hey, you made it." I said smiling. "I'm very glad to see you here."
Zach chuckled lightly as he looked at me with a warm smile. 
"I told you I wouldn't miss it for the world. Um, this is Ian Miller. Back when I worked at the local school he was a student and he just graduated." Zach said as he introduced us. 
"Nice to meet you Ian. I'm Mary." I said as we shook hands. 
"Zach, has told me great things about you." 
"I'm flattered." I replied. 
"It was great meeting you but my girlfriend is waiting for me by the bar so I'll see you guys later." Ian said as he excused himself. I let Zach into the dressing room. 
"I can't wait to see you perform again." Zach said. 
"I have a pretty good setlist. I'm doing seven originals and three covers." 
"That's impressive, last week you only had four originals, you've been working pretty hard." Zach said smiling. I took off my leather jacket and placed it on the couch. I kneeled down by my guitar case and opened it up and grabbed my guitar. 
"You're going to do amazing." 
"I'll meet you afterwards for a drink." I said as I smiled at him. Zach smiled back and walked out to wait for me to perform. I got on stage and the spotlight hit me. I started with the first original I had ever written entitled 'Love'. It was a very basic title but I was fifteen. 
My performance went better than I had expected. The audience loved the covers but loved the originals even more. That made me happy. It proved to me that I must have been a skilled song writer. After I put away my guitar in it's case I walked over to Zach. "Once again I am amazed by your performance." Zach said as he hugged me. 
"I'll be performing here every Friday until the bassist of The Runaways returns from whatever it is he's doing." 
I met Ian's girlfriend and spent the rest of the night drinking with my three new friends. We laughed and conversed. I got along very well with Janet, who was Ian's girlfriend. I discovered that she had one more year of high school left but that she was considering going for a GED instead of graduating. As the days passed I was getting closer to these three and really enjoyed their company. I grew up with my grandmother in Los Angeles because I didn't care much for my parents. My parents were rich snobs. They cared for me but sometimes the fact that they were very wealthy made their egos just as fat as they checks they could sign. 

One morning I was brushing my brown, way hair and let it down. It was long and virgin. I never dyed it. I was waiting to spend the day with Zach, Ian, and Janet. They were going to spend the day with me at my apartment. They arrived minutes later. We were watching TV as we were talking. 
"Los Angeles, huh? That's where you are from?" Janet asked. 
"Yeah." 
"What was it like?" 
I looked at her and tried to remember. "Hot and humid." 
"I don't mean the weather." 
"It was so long ago, I barely remember and parts of me don't want to remember, there's a reason why I left." 
"Sorry, I've just never been anywhere except here." Janet said. "It gets pretty boring." 
"No, it's ok, you were curious." 
We spent the rest of the day talking and making plans for the next few days. I stopped Janet before she left. 
"How much longer until you start senior year?" I asked. 
"About a month." Janet said.
"If Ian and Zach are up for it, maybe we can all go to Malibu. I own my very own home there that has the beach in my backyard." 
"That would be so cool." 
"We'll talk about it more tomorrow." 
"Yes!" Janet said as she hugged me and then left.