Lost Innocence

Chapter Sixteen

POV Paul

After Sophie came over I made my way to Christine's house. I threw pebbles at her window and she opened the window half asleep. I climbed up the tree that was next to her window and got in.
"You know, you could have just knocked." 
"Where's the fun in that?" I chuckled as I hugged her. I didn't know why I came to see her. Well, I did but I just couldn't go very long without seeing her. 
"We decided to take a break from gigs until Joe comes back." 
"I figured." Christine said. A sense of sadness loomed over us for a moment. We had so many memories together. I looked at her bed and had flashbacks of that night. I wanted it again. Or to go back. I wondered if I was the only man she had ever given herself to. It killed me not knowing. Without thinking twice the words came out. 
"Have you and Joe...slept together?"
"Paul...this is in no way meant to come across as rude but that isn't any of your business."
"I know, I know. I don't even know why I asked that. You're right. I guess it's just that I can't stand the thought of you with someone else. I've tried to ignore it but it still kills me." I said looking at her. I took her face in my hands gently and rested my forehead against hers. I wanted to kiss her but I refrained. Christine placed her hands on my wrists gently. Her touch was softly and tender. I loved it. Just her touch was enough to send electricity through my body. My body burned for her and this pain inside us both only grew. It was in that moment that I had realized I hadn't told her about Janet's baby. I wondered if it was even worth telling her. Would it change anything? Probably not. I decided not to tell her. It wouldn't change anything between her and Joe. Not only that, but in this time he needed her now more than ever and I couldn't take her away from him. It was excruciating for me not to kiss her. I thought about the time I made love to her and how much I wanted to do it again. My hands moved to her waist and I kissed her forehead. I felt her body move closer to me and I could tell she wanted the same thing as I did. Christine sighed softly. I took her face in my hands again and could see tears forming in her eyes. Even though she didn't say anything I could feel her love and her longing. 
"It's taking all of my will power to not kiss you right now Christine." I whispered as I kissed her tears making them go away. In that moment a need took over my body and I wasn't thinking clearly. I knew regret would come as soon as I did what I did. I kissed her. I felt her kiss me back. I knew this was wring but I couldn't help it. Christine had a hold on me and when i was with her there were so many feelings that took over my body. I wanted to kiss her but I hated doing this to my best friend. Christine placed her hands on my waist and tightened her grip. Her body pressed up against mine and my hands became lost in her hair. I needed her to live. The silky nightgown she had on reached just above her knees and she looked ravishing in it. The material her nightgown was made out of outlined her beautiful silhouette. My hands roamed over her body and I felt how soft the nightgown was and then her skin. I never wanted a woman as much as Christine and all I could think of was how much I missed her body. That need grew and grew as we kissed. 
At this moment I didn't care about anything else. I wanted her again and it didn't matter what obstacles were in front of me, she was mine and she always would be. I lost control of my body and it took over with a hunger. I kissed her neck and her shoulder as I pulled her against me. I kissed down her arm as goosebumps formed on her soft skin. My lips found hers again and her arms wrapped around my neck. We arms were roaming and she moaned softly as I tightened my grip on her. My lips moved to her chest kissing every square inch of her body and her body warmed up. I felt her unbutton my shirt and place her hands on my chest. I loved this woman more than anything in the world and my need for her intensified. The feel of her touch, her scent, everything about her turned me on whenever I was around her. I had been able to control myself for months but today was not that day. I finally broke. I caressed her body and buried my face in her neck. I knew things were going too far. If we continued we would end up making love. I felt her step back and pull away. 
"Paul, we can't..." 
"Please Christine, I love you." I whispering knowing she was right but I couldn't stop. 
"Paul please don't." Christine said as she cried in my arms. I let her go and began to unbutton my shirt. 
Watching her cry broke my heart into a million pieces. 
Christine looked up into my eyes as I looked into her blue one, now stained with salty tears.
"You know I love you too but we can't do this to Joe and at first it was out of anger from what you had done but now it's turned into so much more and I can't do something like this." Christine paused and looked at me with empathy. 
"Right now, isn't our time. If we can't control ourselves we will have to distance ourselves again and only be together when it involved band." 
"Christine...not again...I can't go through that again."
"We can't be alone together, look at what we've done. I want you so bad it hurts. We just can't put ourselves in this position again." Christine said.

POV Christine

My heart broke slowly as I spoke to Paul. My heart was racing and I couldn't control my emotions. I cried. 
"I'm so sorry." Paul said as he looked down. Before I was able to respond Sophie walked in and witnessed us. When Sophie walked in Paul dried the tears that stained his cheeks and walked away. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. 
"Shit!" I whispered. What have I done? I regretted ever getting involved with Joe because not only did I hurt Paul but also myself. I was so stupid. Now I did something I couldn't take back and it killed me. I never wanted to hurt Joe but doing what I had done would hurt him but I couldn't resist. I sat on the ground against the wall. I couldn't stop thinking about Joe. I loved it but it couldn't compare to the feelings that I had for Paul. As I thought about what had just happened my body jumped from fear when I heard a loud bang on thunder. Rain started falling and I could hear the rain fall on the roof as I hugged my knees. I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. I got up and opened the door to see Sophie. Sophie's green eyes were full of sympathy as she embraced me. 
"You were so right." 
Sophie just held me. "I won't say I told you so. Just let it all out sweetie. Let's go back to your room." 

The next couple hours was spent watching chick flicks while drinking hot cocoa. Sophie did everything in her power to get my mind off of Paul. It was what I desperately needed. After movies I went down to the piano and started playing some tunes on the keys as Sophie watched. I played with different melodies and rhythms and eventually wrote them down for The Runaways. Songs just had a way of coming to me. Eventually, I thought of some lyrics and wrote them down with the help of Sophie. I closed my eyes and sang the lyrics picturing exactly how the boys would sound in the background. I imagined what it would be like for me to perform on stage. 

Sophie ended up taking a shower and spending another night. I laid down on my bed as she showered and scrolled through my phone. I gave my dad a call to see how his trip was going and to tell him that I loved him. It had been months since my mind had allowed me to think about Sam. My mind finally thought about him and it made me feel a sense of gloom and sadness. I looked out the window and up at the dark sky. It hadn't stopped raining and I thought of Sam and all the adventures we used to have. I went outside and sat under my porch to keep myself dry. I looked over at Paul's porch and he was sitting under his on his porch swing. I smiled softly and then looked up at the sky again. 

(Flashback) 

The police had knocked on our door and I stood behind the wall of my kitchen listening as the police spoke to my parents. I heard my mother wail and my father was holding her in my arms and I knew exactly what had been said. My brother's body was found behind a dumpster in an alley way. Sam had been raped and then stabbed to death. My eyes flooded with tears and I ran up to my room and sobbed into my pillow. I cried, screaming, threw things. I had a complete meltdown. Sam and I had been closer than two pees in a pod. We did everything together. It was so unfair, he was only ten years old, he had so much more to live for. Sam was always so supportive of my acting and singing. When he died a darkness loomed over my family for quite a bit until we decided to pack everything up and have a fresh start. It took me a while to gain the strength to walk into his room after his death and eventually I did. Laying on the bed was a teddy bear I had given him when he was only a year old. I walked over to the teddy bear and held it close. It still smelled like him and tears fell. I clutched the teddy bear as if I was holding on to dear life. 
"I love you so much Sammy, and I miss you dearly." I whispered as I held the teddy bear. When I opened my eyes I saw a framed picture of us on his nightstand and picked it up. My heart was start to break all over again. I kissed the picture and packed it into my suitcase along with the teddy bear. 

(End of Flashback) 

I walked back up to my room. Sophie had still been showering and my eyes fell upon the picture of me and Sam now placed on my nightstand. I smiled at it and then I grabbed his teddy bear that was sitting neatly beside it. I knew Sam was watching over me and while he couldn't help my situation I knew I would always have his support. The rain had eventually stopped and outside was a milky sky full of stars and a full moon. Sophie had gotten out of the shower and dressed in her night gown. It hadn't occurred to me that I spent the whole day in my nightgown so I didn't really have to get dressed for bed. We sat on the bed and talked before eventually falling into a deep and blissful sleep.