Sapphire's Review Store 💙

Review by Daryl: Script [Forest]

Plot Development: 10/10

I just wanted to say this story was an invigorating read. You kept me intrigued right from the start to the last word of the last chapter. I know it's not finished; it's only just begun. Still, I can tell it's going to turn out magnificently.

You initiated and terminated chapters well which was the first thing I noticed. The sentences you chose for this effect were weighty in the sense that they carried deeper meanings: connotations that held promises of bigger secrets to come. There's nothing more satisfying than a chapter that ends with enough substance to digest. I guess it's like a perfect ending to a wonderful day. Everything went smoothly in each chapter; then, we got special treats to walk away with. That was great. It's a sure way to keep readers coming back for more.

Your plot hasn't reached a turning point; however, you've set obstacles to catalyse impending plot twists. These obstacles come in the form of the emotional conflict the protagonist faces. I love how you introduced her problems subtly. Of course, you made them clear but you kept them a little vague to maintain suspense. Who doesn't love a little suspense? You give a hook to bait us and leave us to fester in the ensuing mystery. If there's one element every story needs, it's suspense. I'm eager to see how she will solve these internal issues as the story progresses.

What's even better about your conflict presentation is what I term association. This is where the sweet vagueness comes in. Her emotional problems weren't stated directly. We associated her experiences with certain emotions to arrive at some conclusions. This is yet another way to keep readers engaged. We're doing some of the work here, playing detective without even knowing it. You used her experiences to showcase these problems; then, showed her thoughts. The major difference you have from other wattpad books I've read is that you let us connect the dots. One example of this kind of scenario is her volatile relationship with Julian. We were able to realise how controlling he is through his actions. We got how she was affected through her actions and thoughts. Nonetheless, there's enough of a gap between both ends to leave some suspense. I get that she's very scared of him but I have to wonder why because she seems like a bold person. I have to wonder why she sinks into a shell around him -as opposed to her interactions with Chandler- because there's still that behavioral gap to explore in following chapters. I love that.

Bringing up Chandler in the previous paragraph reminded me of another aspect of your plot development I love: contrast. You highlighted the severity of some occurrences or behaviors by writing counter-scenes that focused on the opposites of these occurrences. Consider her attitude when she met up with her friends in school. She was subdued and had to swallow her thoughts. Now, consider her interaction with her family where she didn't have to walk around eggshells or pretend. For the second example, consider Julian's suffocating influence on her. Now, consider how uplifted she is around Chandler. Studying the two scenarios I just mentioned, you'll notice how they contradict themselves in such a way that they become more pronounced. You did this in a handful of places and I encourage that.

Focusing on your plot concepts, I won't say much because I don't know what the main concept is. It'll be clear as more chapters are posted. For now, I have to consider all the concepts I've encountered minor concepts. You brought a mishmash of various issues to the table and I'm glad you did. That gave the story a good backbone.

There's the problem mixed folks face; a problem which is becoming noticeable in recent times. It's an issue many people overlook. I'm happy you chose it for one of your concepts. Then, you have the abusive relationship. I love how uncertain their future together is right now. She needs to cut him loose yet I don't know if she'll be able to. You compounded this by adding the best friend syndrome. Having a best friend who's in love with you only complicates things further. This also spices up the plot with that special touch of unrequited love that many readers unconsciously crave. Even their potential future as a couple is uncertain. I'm sure you're going to have readers shipping them soon.