In His Hands

Past

I was in my second year degree. Days was passing. Nothing interesting. We had a lot of free periods. So most of the days we'll go to house after eating the lunch.

Umma usually teased me whether I was going to college to eat my lunch. It was correct though. I had to travel more than 1 hour per day in bus.

Everyone said college life change your life. I thought how would this college life changes my life. I despised college. It was like a mechanical life even though I earned good friends from there.

And then, one day my friend was speaking with a boy and he said to me that someone from their soccer team like me. And I ignored him.

After a few days, there was exams going on to certain department. While I was standing at the verandah, I felt someone's gaze on me. I looked up and saw a boy. I felt something tinkling in my stomach. I too stared back at him.

On the later days, I came to know more about him. He was the one that day the boy was speaking about. The one who liked me. I don't like him. But I feel an attraction towards him.

Then he proposed me. I was waiting for that. But I said that it is not possible. Because I am not interested in the time pass love. But he assured me, it's not like that. And I said yes.

And we began to date. The chats, calls. Going home after 4 pm. And he was a goal keeper at college soccer team. He joined in a club and he was busy in practice and all that. But he called me. Texted me. But it was more like a long distance relationship.

The Valentine's Day. He gifted me a watch. But soon I feel like he was making distance between us. But I ignored. May be he was busy. I was so love with him. I akways waited for him to come to college. I don't compelled him. Waited patiently.

It continued. We was still chatting. But always I was the one who sent text first. He won't text me unless I sent him. But I said anyone anything. Kept everything in my mind.

Before I said yes, my friends said me to think well. We don't know anything about him. But I ignored their warnings. I really loved him. I could feel his presence without seeing him.

I was broken inside because of his behavior. Even then, I loved him. One day, 19 days before my exam, he messaged me to stop this. I was really shattered. My family doesn't know about this. I can't even cry my heart out neither from college nor from my house.

After 2 day, one good friend of me asked what happened. He was a bestie. I said him. He scolded me for keeping this as a secret. I said nothing to him because he was right. He said we should stop all this as he have family problems. His family never appreciate this relationship.

I didn't scold him, didn't cursed him. I respected his decision. I don't feel angry on him. He was right. But I was really broken. I cried during writing my exams. Hardly concentrated on my studies. But I always maintained the smile.

After a month, I said to my best friends. They supported me. But they were too angry for keeping as a secret. But every night I cried. I never cried in front of anyone. I acted strong? Whenever they asked me about my condition, I lied that I am okay. But I was not. It has been 2 year now.

I slowly started to heal myself. But I was scared to say yes to marriages, because I had a lot of questions in my mind.

Whether I could love my partner? Will they accept me after hearing this? Will they believe me?

A lot of questions was in my mind. But I was sure about one thing. I would say this to my partner. I should be completely honest with that person.

And then Henna, Shaneem's classmate brought this proposal. I decided to give this a chance. I had rejected a few proposals because of my dilemma.

And when I saw you, something is different. I feel different around you. Good different. I can dream a future with you..

I don't know what you feel. Maybe you think I am stupid and a fool. Maybe I am actually. But it is over. I don't think of him like that now. Don't hate me. Please don't hate me.

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A/N

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