the expressions of an alleged teenager

entry six: just

i keep trying to be what they want me to be, keep lying to myself, trying to face the truth that i'm not what i attempt or try to put out. i'm not. instead i think if they knew me they would all just pivot slowly and make a mad dash to leave me stranded, more alone than i already feel. i cant breathe because of my goddamn nasal congestion *i think* and i feel like crying but i don't think i -feel- like crying. so now i'm just stuck. i'm not cool, i'm not not pretty, i'm not not. i'm just.