Ecdysiast || PJM 🔞

Chapter 36: Broken Her

If fairy tales, fantasies, or even fictional stories were real, she wishes for any to happen to her and that a prince or someone will come to save her again from the mess that she made because she can no longer pull herself out and save herself.

Jiwon was currently outside Chanyeol's house, specifically sitting outside on the small garden while gazing up on the stars. Chanyeol was in his night shift but she doesn't feel like staying inside Dawon's room. Despite of that, she's glad to know that Dawon is doing fine. The improvements may not be big, but still, he was quite improving yet he's still in need of the bone marrow transplant for him to be better.

Since that night when something happened between them, Chanyeol was even happier than he was because he felt like he had taken a few step further towards her heart. Jiwon is happy to see him happy, but she can't be happy for herself anymore.

She sighed, wiping away her salty tears from her cheeks. "I hope you can forgive me, Jimin." She whispered to herself after reminiscing her wonderful memories from the only man to ever love, accept, and save her from her misery before. "It was a desperate decision but unforgiveable. Stop thinking stupid things, Jiwon. You've had enough," she bitterly laughed after scolding herself as a new batch of tears started flowing down her already swollen eyes. She has been crying for more than an hour, thinking about how her life turned into a mess once again.

Cuz when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do
If you were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes~

It's passed midnight yet she couldn't sleep even if she wanted too because she wants to stop thinking and just rest. She's currently listening to some sad songs and as if destined, Katy Perry's song played. The lyrics felt so relatable for her that she started to feel even more emotional.

"Jalja, Wonwon-ah. Neomu neomu saranghaeyo," Jimin said in the video where he was also posing, acting cute, and doing a finger heart which he sent her the first night that they parted when he went to Japan.

Jiwon bit her lips and she lets out a loud sob. "Bogoshipda, Minmin-ah," she cried while playing the video in repeat. "I'm really sorry for hurting you."

"You're the best
And yes, I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know~" she sang along even if she was crying so hard that she couldn't even pronounce each word properly but she meant every word from the lyrics.

She looked up above the skies and she saw a shooting star pass by. "If this is a dream, please wake me up. I can't take it anymore." She begged, sobbing. "I'm so stupid for letting him go. He was right about my pride and now look at me! I'm so miserable."

"Jimin, baby, you were right. I should've listened to you. I should've been strong not only for Dawon but also for youㅡfor us." Her voice cracked. She started to repeatedly hit her head. If anyone could only see her, they may think that Jiwon was a crazy person. She's not crazy, she's just hurting and broken.

She bitterly laughed. "But I didn't want to be a burden to you."

She sighed, wiping the tears on her cheeks but they were replaced by a new batch of them. Crying, she made her way inside her room, feeling tired already, and she lays down on the bed while still crying and crying her heart out until she had fallen asleepㅡfeeling tired and empty.

***

Another day of faking her smiles. She got up on her bed to fix herself and get ready to go in the hospital and as usual, she will prepare food first for Chanyeol to heat up and eat immediately while she is gone.

They will usually go out before but she doesn't feel like going out on a date with him anymore. If locking herself inside her room all day and everyday can be a choice, she will, but Dawon is her priority more than herself since then.

The last time she thought of herself before anyone was whenㅡshe cannot even remember anymore.

She posted a note on the fridge and on the table about the food and that she will just be in the hospital if he needs her before she left the house.

Arriving in the hospital, she silently opened the door of Dawon's room to not disturb his sleep. As she walked further inside, she saw a figure of a man sitting beside Dawon with his back facing her. He was holding Dawon's hand who was just sleeping peacefully on the bed.

The man heard the 'click' of the doorknob and Jiwon's footsteps, making him look behind him.

As their eyes met ㅡ shocked ㅡ Jiwon felt herself become weak. Her knees has turned gelatin and so were her hands that she immediately dropped the bags of food that she was holding after recognizing the face of the man before her.

Pain, anger, shock ㅡ her emotions were mixed. It was as if she felt the wound in her heart open once again after so many years. She started crying as her lips quivered, finally able to speak as she called him ㅡ confused and also shocked.

"Appa?"