Love doesn't exist

That is pain

Side Note: Okay, chill, chill, chill i know it okay? It's monday..

So here i stand. The shower wall as my only support, the water mixing with my tears so i can't tell what is what. My music on full volume so i can't hear my own thoughts. But as the water begins to run cold my warm tears become more prevalent, as my music turns to softer songs my thoughts begin to sream, the demons in my mind, so common, begin to tear at me.

It's amazing how quickly your mood can change, how deep your heart can sink and how much one person can affect you.

Now I'm just afraid to get that feeling again, and then be thrown away. It's not even funny, it did really hurt and I don't want that feeling again, never. I admire people who choose to shine even after all the storms they've been through.

''I'm just a stupid teenage girl who though this boy liked her, but was wrong in the end'' i say sadly looking in the mirrow. You don't know pain until you're staring at yourself in the mirrow with tears streaming down your face and you're begging yourself to just hold and be strong. That is pain.

''Honey, what are taking so long?'' my mom said knocking on the door. I quickly wipe my red fluffy eyes with my hands.''Nothing i'm done'' i said trying sounding normal but it almose sound like i was wheezing.''Okay as soon as your finish the breakfast is ready'' she said walking off. Wow that was close.

It was just a normal Tuesday and we had off from school, thankfully, so i didn't need to dress up nicely today. I walked down the stairs with heavy steps, not bothering sounding grumpy when i sit down to eat my food.

''Wow, who got you so grumpy?'' my dad ask raising an eyebrow. Shall i really tell you dad?Sam did it! That fucking jerk made me like this! Broken inside and hurt. Is that what you wanna hear?

''No one did dad'' i said taking a bit off my bread not daring to look at him in the eyes.''Okay cool'' he said looking back at the newspaper.''Don't even try to sound cool dad''

''I'm just down with the kids'' he said making all sorts of handmoves, I hit myself in the head and lifted my sad body up to stand. Parents have no idea what it's like to be a teenager in this generation.

I went up to my room and laid myself down on my so lovely bed.

I feel so alone and it's not that i need someone well, it is but not someone certain just someone who will give me love, that i crave, Sam.

But i haven't been loved, never in my life and i realize that now. I have shut everybody out until there were nobody left to love me. I know now, that i am human, that i too need a lovers touch and kind words. That i am no different. That i crave affection. I don't like being a human.

When the thought crossed my mind I could not help thinking how difficult liking someone is. You overanalyze every little thing they do, and tend to assume the worst all the time. One day they could make you feel so special, and the next you wonder if they have feelings for you at all.

Your mind is enthralled with them, and you have all these things you're urging to tell them but you can't find the courage and you fear that they don't feel the same way. It's like your whole life revolves around them in every way possible, your mood, how your days goes, and everything else.

I hear a knock on the door and a very well known person appeared, Kate, my bestfriend, the person I actually really need right now. Kate gave me a loving hug I really needed right there.''Ohh sweety, do you still like him?''

Honestly, i don't really know. But i do know there's just something about him i can't let go.

''I don't know, Kat, i don't wan't this feeling, i don't want him to know i have this weird feeling about him, i just want this gone, i don't want my heart get broken again.''

''Best way to not get your heart broken, is pretend you don't have one, or if he would crawl on his arms and legs to you, to get you back, then give him one more chance.'' I believe in second chances, i just don't think everyone deserves them.

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Okay as you can read, I focused on her feelings right now, because I think I did not express her feelings so much, so i hope you have a feeling on how her feelings are now :)