Lost Innocence

Chapter Ten

As I walked home I could see Christine looking out the window of her bedroom. Christine was beautiful at any time of the day. After a few moments of staring she looked down at me and I gave her a soft smile. I could see the sadness and pain in her eyes as she tried to smile back. Both of our smiles were not as genuine as they used to be. The past couple months I had spent getting close to Christine have been the happiest of my life. I didn't believe that love truly existed until I met her, I knew the second I laid eyes on her that she was the woman of my dreams. Christine had been wearing a long, white, and silky nightgown with a lace sweater over it. I could tell by the way her hair was placed that she had just woken up. All I wanted to do was stand there and look at her. She placed her hand on the window as if reaching for me. Even though we were feet apart I could feel her need and I had the same needs. All I wanted to do was kiss her and hold her in my arms and never let her go. Before I walked away I could see a tear streaming down Christine's cheek and I felt tears threatening to spill for me as well. I mouthed the words "I love you" before looking away. It pained me to see her cry. When I looked back up she was looking down and then walked away from the window out of sight. I sighed softly and walked back into my house. When I walked in I could see Steven looking at me. I could tell that he immediately knew how I was feeling, he always did.
"What happened, Paul?" he asked in a concerned voice. 
"I don't really want to talk about it." 
Steven sighed but nodded in an understanding manner. His gaze on me grew soft as her saw a tear streaming down my cheek. 
The next fews days I mostly spent at home not wanting to do anything. Three days later while I was in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror Steven barged in. I felt Steven put his arms around me and hug me as I finally broke down to tears. There was so much pain that it overwhelmed me, I had never felt this strongly about someone in my life. 
"Paul, I want to help you man, you're my baby brother. Talk to me."
"It's all this bull crap with Janet and the baby that may or may not be mine. All of it caused me to lose Christine." 
"I'm so sorry Paul."
I collected myself and tried to wipe away the tears that stained my eyes and cheeks. 
"I love her so much."
"I know you do and I know she does too."
"Then why is she with Joe? I mean, I love him, he's my best friend but seeing them together hurts so damn much."
"I don't know but maybe you should just wait and see what happens, maybe they'll break up and maybe by then you'll know if Janet's baby is yours or not." Steven said trying to comfort me. 
I finally looked up at him with red cheeks and puffy eyes. 
"This whole situation has been one of the most painful experiences I've ever had."
"It's because you feel in love with Christine."
"I did. That's why it's so hard to see her with Joe. I can't even bare to think if he's been with her in the way I have." 
After we talked we walked into the bedroom and Joe was already asleep in his bed and Steven fell asleep quickly after a short conversation with Sophie. I couldn't sleep that night. All I could think about was Christine and how I wanted to be holding her against my body. Love was driving me as mad as she was. Christine was the only thing that was good in my life. Even if she refused to admit it I knew she was in the same amount of pain as I was, I could see it in her eyes. I walked outside and looked up at the stars. I prayed that one day they would align in a way where Christine and I could be together. The biggest disappointment I had was in myself. I should have used protection with Janet. If I had no one would be in pain. It was all my fault. Everyone's pain was caused by my stupid mistake.

The next morning I got up early and went for a run around the park to clear my head. No matter what I did I was going to be hurt by the situation. It would last for many days but I knew that eventually this pain would go away even if my love for Christine never did and I knew it wouldn't. The mistake I made had consequences and I was living through them in one of the worst ways possible. When I got home from my run I took a shower and tried to forget everything about Christine and the moments we spent together. The only way I was going to get rid of the pain was to erase the memories of us. I was tired of mopping around and feeling sorry for myself and I didn't want to feel the pain anymore. After my shower I got dressed and walked into the den where I found Steven. 
"Feeling any better?" 
"Nope, but I will be eventually." 
"That's the spirit." 
"A good distraction is song written, I started writing the beginning of one yesterday, it has the first verse and the chorus." I said passing him a notepad with a few lyrics on it. 
Steven looked it over and nodded his head. 
"I love it." 
"I have the rest in my head, it's just a matter of writing it down." 
"Don't waste any time." Steven said tossing me the notepad and then the pen he had tucked behind his ear. I sat over at the piano and wrote down some lyrics as Steven walked over to his drum kit. 

POV Emily

The tension between Paul and Christine grew more and more as the weeks passed. The only time I ever really noticed them have any kind of interaction is when it had something to do with the band. One of the The Runaways most popular songs was Christine's and she sang it whenever they had gigs. The Runaways were gaining more and more popularity in the local band scene. I felt for my older brother. Paul was completely heartbroken over the situation with Christine and so was she. Over the past couple days Paul grew more and more secluded and it saddened me and Steven. There when even days where Paul would drown his sorrows in alcoholic drinks like wine, scotch, and rum. After a few days it became a natural occurrence. If he kept drinking like this he was gonna end up killing himself. One day I was done watching him destroy himself when so I went down to the den where I found him downing a bottle of whiskey. That was a new one for him. I turned on the lights and gave him a death glare.
"You look like shit." Paul looked at me and sighed.
"Glad my appearance matches my mood."
"What happened? I mean, I know what happened but you had been doing better you were working out, writing great lyrics, you need to snap out of this."
"This is the only thing that stops me from hurting so much." Paul said with sadness in his voice. 
"There are other alternatives Paul." 
Paul shrugged and leaned his head back.
"What do you except me to do? Therapy? Sports? Those things aren't gonna help me." 
I sat down next to Paul and took the bottle away from him and set it down next to me. 
"You were madly in love with her, weren't you?"
"I haven't felt that much happiness with anyone else in my life."
"Paul, you have so many people in your life that care about you and I am sure she still cares about you as well and wouldn't want  you getting drunk every night." 
Paul shrugged once again and looked down at his hands blankly. I jumped up and grabbed his hand. 
"Come on, let's go to the diner with Steven and get some dinner."
We went to a small diner that was close to our house and we all ate and Steven and I did our best to make Paul laugh or at least smile. We could tell that he tried to smile although he was still in pain over what had happened with Christine. The problem was he was dealing with it in one of the most unhealthiest ways. What saddened me the most was that Paul was always such a happy person especially before Janet came into the picture but the past few months have changed him, the light he had inside was gone, especially now that he lost Christine. I wanted to do something to really make him happy again but I couldn't think of anything. For some reason though, I had a feeling that this wouldn't be the end for them. 

The next couple days were filled with more gigs for The Runaways and then Christmas finally came and everyone spent it with family and the after Christmas, New Years came just as quickly. On New Years Eve we invited all of our friends over to our house to throw a New Year party. Everyone quickly arrived and I noticed Paul wasn't around. Everyone had been conversing and dancing and I knew Paul was probably hidden away in his room since Christine had been here with Joe. I couldn't blame Paul but I wanted him to enjoy himself for once. As I watched Christine I noticed she kept looking at the entrance of our den from time to time looking to see if Paul would ever show up. I knew she still loved him. Janet also kept her eye on it while dancing with Ian. 
"You okay babe?" John asked.
"Yeah, I just feel bad for Paul, he still loves Christine so much and I know she still loves him." 
"Then why aren't they together?" 
"Janet's pregnant and claims that Paul is the father and then Christine found out and it caused them to break up and everything just went wrong for them but it's plain to see that there is still love between them." 
"I'm so sorry babe." 
"I am too, I just want them to be happy."
"Isn't Christine with Joe though?" 
"Yes, I knew she liked him but I didn't think it was that much." 
"Hey, I'm sure things will work out, just be there for them both." John said as he grabbed my hand and danced with me. 
"I hope nothing like that ever happens with us, I love you so much and I never want to picture a world without you." 
"You won't have to." John said as he pulled me close and kissed my head. I was head over heels for John. John made me feel so wonderful. When I was with him I felt safe and loved. 
"You are so beautiful." John said. 
"Yes I am." I said teasing him. 
"I'm one lucky marching band geek."
"You aren't a geek, you are a talented flute player." I said smiling. 
"Do you think Paul and Christine will ever find each other again?" I asked.
"If it's meant to be then, yes and to be honest I think they are meant to be." 
"I'll be right back. Let me dance with Joe for a minute." 
"Okay." John said as he kissed my forehead. 
I walked over to Steven who was talking to Sophie and reached his ear. 
"Ask Christine to dance and talk to her about Paul." I whispered as he nodded and told Sophie he was going to dance with Christine for a minute to talk. Before Steven reached Joe and Christine I walked over. 
"Christine, would it bother you if I stole Joe for one dance?" I asked smiling.
"Go ahead, have fun." Christine said smiling back. 
I grabbed Joe's hand and danced with him as I watched Steven make his way to Christine who was standing by herself.